Ramblings of a Pipe Dreamer

First of 2012

2012-01-09T22:15:00.001+08:00

I wasn't planning on writing anything any time soon. After all after a 8 month hiatus what is a couple more weeks. But you can thank Sukhdip Singh for waking me up just as I was about to fall asleep.

And what was the emergency that required a late night phone call? Had he been spurned by a beautiful girl and now needed a shoulder to cry on? Maybe he required some emergency roadside assistance? Did he need my help disposing of a body? Nope, none of the above. What he really needed help (and couldn't wait till the next day) with was INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO BURN MUSIC TO A CD SO THAT HE CAN LISTEN TO SONGS WHILE DRIVING BACK TO SINGAPORE! Most decent, competent, understanding people with an abundance of thick, long lustrous hair would have just Googled the answer themselves. Unfortunately Sukhdip is not one of those people. I'm kidding of course. Sukhdip is one of the smartest people I know.

So unable to sleep I find myself in front of my laptop. I figured I might as well do something useful. A lot has happened since my last post. First of all I have a new niece; my sister had named her Layla . I say "new" but it's been 10 months already and the novelty has started to worn off. Right now I'm not too interested in spending too much of my precious time with Layla; there isn't much you can do with a 10 month old. They tend to sit down and do nothing; don't even bother trying to having an intellectual conversation with one. I tried playing Uno with her once and it was a complete disaster. She didn't get the rules of the game and on top of that she tried to eat the cards. I'll give it a few more years before she really starts to grow on me.

Maybe once she has mastered the Nintendo Wii things will get better. Of course it would be better when she starts reading; then she can read the newspaper to me as I have my breakfast. I'm such a good uncle I deserve a medal. I've also started to notice that mothers with baby girls like to use an excessive amount of the colour pink or put hair bands or bows on their child's head when they're out and about. Something to do with not wanting people to mistake their baby girl for a baby boy. What happened to women's liberation?

Uno with the lovely Layla

She's a lady. Whoa, whoa, whoa. She's a lady. Just look at all that Pink

I lost one of my cats, Blackie which disappeared without a trace. What makes up for Blackie's disappearance is that not long after that I found a new kitten, which we named Meow. I think I made a mistake in the choice of pet name. There's that unwritten rule that you never name a pet something that you would be embarrassed to shout out; and whenever I call my cat I'm slightly worried that the neighbours might think I've had a mental breakdown ("Honey, the neighbours son is pretending to be a cat again").

Meow recently got into trouble after going to a neighbours house and being stuck in a tree for six hours after two of their dogs chased her. Eventually the dogs got distracted and she came down tree No.1 where she ended up being stuck in a second tree when the dogs realized what had happened. Meow spent less than 5 minutes in this one as it had a large population of fire ants. I then had the pleasure of brushing said fire ants out of her fur because try as she might, they stubbornly clung on. The things you do for the pets you love.

Lost: Blackie

Found: Meow wearing a collar after she got spayed

My other cat Orange had to go to the vet after one of his ears started swelling up with blood. The Doctor (REAL doctors will be rolling their eyes at this point) said the cause of the swelling was an infection from ear mites and that Orange needed to stay overnight for a quick operation. And now Orange is better. Though he still has to wear his satellite dish for 10 days and is not allowed out during that time; which is driving him nuts. On another note the vet charged a total of RM300 for services rendered; recently my little niece had to be taken to the clinic for her fever and the REAL Doctor (Veterinarians and Dentists rolls their eyes) there charged the grand sum of RM35. I guess it's good to be a Vet these days. Sigh..the things we do for the pets we love.

Orange with his own collar

Sara and Sukhdip, my friends living in the UK came back to Malaysia for the holidays and I got a chance to meet up with them. I met Sara first but things didn't get off to a great start as Sara used to live relatively close by but her Mum had moved and now she was in the middle of nowhere. This meant that even with the help of Google maps I spent more than an hour trying to look for her new neighbourhood; even the locals I asked hadn't heard of the area. Just as I was about to give up and turn back for home I thought to myself "what would Julius Caesar do?". With new-found determination I eventually found what I was looking for; I kissed the ground in gratitude. I came. I saw. I conquered.

I picked Sara up (not literally, I don't have the muscles for that) and she presented me with a birthday gift; a lovely book titled "Gin O'Clock". We then decided to have brunch at Old Town White Coffee (other over priced coffee venues are available). Of course meeting Sara only made me realize that lately my social skills have started to deteriorate. After spending an hour talking about everything and anything we eventually ended staring at each other awkwardly struggling to continue the conversation. What made it more awkward for me was that I could feel Sara undressing me in her mind; on more than one occasion I caught her staring at me inappropriately and had to tell her "My face is up here, Sara". Honestly..

Several weeks later I met up with Sukhdip for brunch; at least he hadn't moved. As usual when I got to his condominium I had to spend 10mins waiting for him. For someone who usually ends up wearing a basketball jersey and shorts he does take a long time to get ready. When he eventually turned up Sukhip had a novel under his arm; "Is that another present for me?" I thought to myself. But it wasn't, Sukhip just brought it in case he needed something to read (clearly Sara had tipped him off). If anyone had needed to bring a book clearly it was me, having to always wait for Sukhdip to "freshen up". Brunch was okay, Sukhdip had as usual overindulged just because he enjoyed eating Malaysian food.

After brunch I decided to stop over at Sukhdips place to exchange some legally downloaded media content. I wasn't too sure about going in the first place because his mum was there; generally speaking I don't like meeting my friends parents. It's just a strange quirk of mine. I always feel like I'm being judged. Sukhdip mentioned that his mum liked me which I found a little strange. I don't think I've said more than 100 words to her. And more than half of those words were said when Sukhdip and I were still in primary class together. In any case, I ended up in Sukhdips place where I added another two words to my collection after greeting Sukhdip's mum with a "Hello, Auntie". And that was the extent of my "conversation" with Sukhdip's mum. The meeting ended with Sukhdip's annual "Pull Faiz's beard" tradition. Sometimes I worry for the boy.

As for me I am still "freelancing". I'm still gaining weight. I believe I am what you would call a very fat man to put it bluntly. Nothing illustrates this point more than recently going out to eat at a restaurant and having the waiter come up to me right after sitting down and offering me a much more sturdier chair. "You'll find this more comfortable sir" as the waiter kindly put it. Well at least I didn't tip him so who has had the last laugh? Clearly no one..

That's it for me folks. Good bye and Good Night. Unless Sukhdip calls me again..

I am back?

2011-03-06T23:50:00.003+08:00

I don't have an introduction written out. So a "Hello" will just have to do. Hello. My name is Beardyman (in case you forgot). I've been very quiet lately. You see I've recently come back from taking a sabbatical.

According to Wikipedia (the lazy man's Encyclopædia Britannica) a sabbatical (from Latin sabbaticus, literally a "ceasing") is a rest from work, or a hiatus, often lasting from two months to a year. Most academics who go on a sabbatical hope to achieve something or fulfill some goal. I am not an academic and unfortunately I haven't done anything worthwhile.

I blame Youtube. I blame my cats. I blame my friend Sukhdip for supplying me with several months worth of "The Economist". I blame writer's block. I blame my own laziness. I also blame the negative thoughts constantly swirling in my mind. And that's why I haven't posted anything in a month. But it seems I'm back..for now. In the pass I would try to post something at least once a week and I ended up pushing myself too hard. This time I'm going to take it a little easier.

In the the local news a big fuss was being made over young women (in this case from China and Vietnam) who were "marrying" local men. For a price that is. The men would be paid a fee in several installments and the women would obtain a visa allowing them to stay longer in Malaysia. Most of these women are in fact prostitutes working in night clubs and massage parlours.

When they get arrested by the police or immigration department their "husbands" would be there to bail them out. While the Malaysian enforcement agencies may be corrupt (allegedly) they aren't stupid. The Director of the Penang Immigration Department commented that “We get suspicious when a much older man marries a young foreigner. This is especially so if the man’s occupation is listed as rubber tapper or fisherman.” Surely these women could set their standards a little bit higher. How about picking a stay at home blogger instead? :P

I recently met my friend Ashley, a friend from school who I last saw 8-years ago. He is now a very successful and talented web designer. And one of TTDI's most eligible bachelors (quick ladies, before one of those foreign women grab him). We spent breakfast catching up on each others lives and discussing who is doing what. That's one of the signs you're getting older. Soon it will be who is married/divorced. And finally it will be about who is left in this world. C'est la vie.

Goobye for now.

P.S. My friend Sara is a very talented and awesome English fashion photographer (she has 17 cameras) and she is also a vegetarian that doesn't smoke. Sara has a new blog set up with all her photos. I can personally vouch for her. When I had a brief career as a male plus size model I only let Sara take my photos.If you're interested in photography why don't you have a look.

The Lady Sara The Lady Sara

Links:

http://www.malaysiandigest.com/news/16089-foreign-women-resorting-to-hiring-husbands.html

http://story.cambodiantimes.com/index.php/ct/9/cid/303b19022816233b/id/746749/cs/1/

Image Credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/nathaninsandiego/4071190216/

Why has nothing interesting happened?

2011-01-17T00:12:00.000+08:00

I'm having a bit of writers block at the moment and that is preventing me from posting a brilliant piece of literary composition. Instead I'm going briefly update you on what has turned out to be a very slow week.

One of my UK-based friends, a chap by the name of Sukhdip Singh had made a remark about all the new faces in neighbourhood. He noticed that there were a lot more "foreigners" in the country. Of course, I didn't say it at the time but that is probably what the BNP and the English Defence league are saying about him being in London.

On Monday went to visit my Grandmother at my Cousins house. Ended up playing Winning Eleven with him and it was a complete massacre. The score was 4-12 at the end.

I recently met a friend who told me two things. 1) He was getting married soon and 2) I was getting fatter. I told him to go f**k himself. Actually, I just smiled and congratulated him. Why do people like to point out the fact that I am a very fat man? It's not like I haven't noticed.

A friend of my fathers asked me if I was working. I said no. If I was still studying. I said no. If I was "relaxing". I nod my head with chagrin. Of course "relaxing" is a polite way of asking if you're unemployed. I could tell him I'm spend my time writing. But judging by this weeks post I better keep it to myself. I'm worried that I've reached a peak. I went through my archives (something I suggest you do) and realised I had written some pretty good stuff. And now am reduced to THIS.

The whole idea of starting a blog was of course to somehow land a job writing for a newspaper. But somehow that no longer seems feasible. Morale is low.

Like I said. A VERY slow week.

I think I'll stick to the dhaal please

2011-01-09T23:35:00.000+08:00

Malaysians love to eat. I can personally attest to that fact because I am a Malayisian. And I love to eat. One of the staples of a Malaysian diet is of course the humble roti canai. It's served 24 hours a day for breakfast, lunch, dinner and pretty much in between all those meal times. It's definiely a food that many Malaysian can't do without. Over the years there have been a number of variations added to your basic roti canai. Why you could almost say that your roti canai has been pimped. That actually sounds quite wrong. I can't imagine the food channel going for a show like that.

Besides the standard roti canai you can now find roti tisu; roti boom; roti tampal; roti milo and roti A&W. I've missed out quite a few but that was just an example of the variations of roti canai. Now there's a new twist. Usually roti canai is eaten with fish curry or dhaal. But now there's a new and unexpected development in the field of roti canai dipping sauce. If you want you can now have your roti canai with chocolate, caramel, strawberry and coffee sauce.

I was suprised to see at my local mamak a small advertisement for this new "gourmet sauce". I see no problem with having hazelnut spread with toast. Call me old-fashioned but I don't think that caramel sauce would make a great substitue for dhaal. Especially if it's eaten with roti canai. I don't think this new "fad" has really caught on with the Malaysian public. Those advertisements have long disappeared. And I've never seen anyone trying it. I've never tried it myself so I wouldn't know what it tastes like. But I assume that the strawberry sauce tastes like....well strawberries.

If something ain't broke don't try to fix it

#1 post of 2011

2011-01-02T01:11:00.001+08:00

Beware of Sofie Maxson. Click for a larger image

This is the first post of 2011 but I am unprepared so I'm going to be winging it again. I started writing my review of P1 Wimax on the 2nd of Dec but it's still not finished. A combination of being lazy and "busy". Instead I've decided to update on what December has been like for me. And maybe share an opinion or two.

To be honest not much has been happening in my life. So far I have reached a comfortable unproductive routine. I WAS going to excercise on my treadmill for 15mins minimum everday. That was the plan at least. But excerising is SOOOO hard. And I hate getting sweaty. If I excercised according to plan I would be so buff right now. But that is neither here nor there.

I have been taking some time out of my not-so-busy schedule to meet up with friends who have come back home from abroad. First there is Sara. Twice at Tesco. I hate shopping malls. It's a guy thing. Very pleasant conversation. She is a vegetarian. But the kind that eat fish. Like Steve Jobs.

Then I met Sukhdip. But I got ambushed. Let me explain, when I called him last week he said that the three of us (Sukhdip, Ken, Faiz i.e. ME) would be having b'fast. On the way to his place the following day I was told that "Everyone is waiting for you". Everyone?!. So I ended up having b'fast with eight people instead. His mother was there which was nice. I said "Hello". I've probably met her five times in my life and all we've said is "Hello" to each other. However, she did laugh when I pointed out that her son Sukhdip Singh was developing a bald patch. It's quite funny actually. Unless you're Sukhdip.

This morning I had breakfast with Amir and TJ. As usual TJ woke up late and instead of having the usual 30mins prep time he only got 5mins. So he didn't look his best. It's not his fault; if he was having b'fast with a lovely girl I'm sure he would've put in a little more effort. But he was having b'fast with me. So he didn't. Amir did arrive in his BMW looking quite dashing I must admit. I think it's the haircut. I'm a little jealous. I later met Amir's mom and while she was very friendly she asked that QUESTION. My response was quite awkward.

When I met all of my friends they inevitably asked the QUESTION I hate having to answer; "So what are YOU doing now?". Sigh...not much really, which explains why I can meet you for b'fast on a weekday. I didn't say that of course. Silence is my friend.

Something mildly interesting when I checked my FB messages and it turned out I got a message from a "lady" with VERY revealing cleavage who wanted to send me "hot" pictures of herself. Rule #1 of FB: Beware the girl with cleavage who complements your FB page. Especially if she is "desperate" to send you photos of herself. I would've emailed her if I wasn't too busy sending classified documents to Wikileaks.

That's actually it for this week. I apologize for my poor performance. Lately I've been going through a horrible cycle of depression. I think it's all the estrogen in the water supply. Hopefully next week I'll get my act together and make some kind of effort.

P.S. I'd like to leave you with one final thought. Are we getting hardened to news of death these days? I told a man about a story I read in Metro (Malaysia's WORST paper). It was about a 14 year-old girl who was crushed by a lorry on her way back from collecting her exam results (the Metro was kind enough to include a photo). That man wanted to know what she got for her results. It must be an Asian thing.

Goodbye cruel world..... for at least for two weeks...

2010-12-14T22:33:00.000+08:00

I usually publish a post on Saturdays but last week I missed my deadline. That's because I've been having the flu. And as masculine as I am the moment I get sick I become a total wimp. I believe all men are that way. And because I'm sick I'm winging today's post.

Usually my routine is to find a topic and write it out a draft within the week in my Moleskine (yes I'm very proud of it). But I was sick. So this has been written without the usual care or concern. You may note that this entry isn't as funny or witty as my usual posts. It's hard to be funny and witty all the time. Just ask Eddie Murphy. Sometime in the 90's he just stopped being funny. And then he stopped acting. At least acting very well.

Another factor leading to last weeks delay is that I went away for 3 days with my cousins. Is it just me but why is it when you get the flu your prepared to write off your life. It felt like dying would have been a more agreeable option. Most of my symptoms are gone except for my chest bursting cough. So I've decided against death and would like to stick around for a little while longer.

While I was sick I followed some people to the hospital to visit another sick man. Can you imagine the irony? I didn't go in to see the man. I just stayed in the hallway. I hate hospitals. But strangely I'm quite fond of nurses. Strange. On the way back out of the ward with the two anonymous people we passed by the bed of a man who was gravely ill surrounded by his family. It didn't look good for him. The two people I was with actually turned around and had a closer inspection of the poor guy. I had the good sense to keep on walking. A hospital ward is NOT A SAFARI. The family was not too pleased about this intrusion.

As you can see the plot of this weeks post is not very linear. This is what happens when I write off the top of my head. Later when I'm about to go to bed I'll probably realize that I left something out. But for now goodbye.

I've decided that I'm going to take a two week vacation to sync myself back to my normal routine. I still have a lot of things to write about. Plus this month I'll be busy keeping an eye out on my friends returning from London. SO I'll see you in next year in January. And I promise the next post will be a little bit more structured. And funny. But I can't guarantee that.

Image credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ecatoncheires/2637411114/

If it looks like a Mitsubishi Lancer and sounds like a Mitsubishi Lancer...it's a Mitsubishi Lancer!

2010-12-05T00:32:00.003+08:00

That's right people. It's time to celebrate in style. The national car company Proton just released it's latest model. The Inspira. Which is 100% Malaysian. Malaysia Boleh! It's a slam dunk. Goodbye and Goodnight.

Erm...not exactly. Actually it looks a bit like the Mitsubishi Lancer. Well...to be honest it looks A LOT like the Mitsubishi Lancer. Sigh...it's a Mitsubishi Lancer. That has been "Protonized". Of course this isn't exactly a state secret. And I'm not the first blogger to raise this point. That the latest offering from Proton is nothing more than a rebadge.

Of course when it comes to rebadging Proton isn't the only offender. Everyone knows that Naza cars are just Kia's. And that Perodua cars are now just rebadged Daihatsu and Toyota models.

I have to admit that the Inspira is a beautiful car. If the Lancer didn't exist. It is a shame that Proton didn't decide to design a car form the ground up. But it's a recession. And Proton doesn't want to spend the money. Or maybe it just doesn't have it. Instead Proton decided to get "inspired" by the Lancer. And that's how we got the Inspira. I guess sometimes Malaysia Can't. On a side note whatever did happen to the Malaysian Space Program or the plans to build the other very tall building in KL?. It seems anything is possible as long as we use the taxpayers money.

And so like the Vichy French, Proton has become a collaborator. Mitsubishi is happy of course. They still make the money without having to work as hard. While Proton is busy trying to sell a touched up Lancer Mitsubishi can concentrate on its latest car. And let's not forget that Proton still has to "collaborate" the profits with Mitsubishi.

There is a segment of Malaysians who defend Protons actions. They argue it doesn't make sense for Proton to spend large sums of money to design and produce it's own model during a recession. They also point out that the Rakyat get a Lancer at a reduced price. It is a win-win situation.

I would argue that the whole purpose of having Proton was to build a national brand, to build a national car. A car that low and middle income families can afford. Unfortunately, Proton for the past 25 years has been manufacturing sub-standard cars for the Malaysian market. And if after 25 years all we end up doing is rebadging cars then maybe we should pack it in.

The corrupt (allegedly) polygamist (confirmed) MP from Kinabatangan a.k.a Bung Mokhtar Radin caused quite a stir when he suggested just that. It's not everyday I find myself agreeing with a politician. Especially a Malaysian one.

If you must get a Inspira you would be wise to buy one quick while it still has its Japanese reliability. Sources vary but it is said that 20%-40% of the car parts are local. Soon it will be 100%. And then your windows won't work.

Or maybe you could get your hands on an Inspira sold abroad. Proton cars that are sold in Europe are BETTER, SAFER, and CHEAPER. If you do get an Inspira you could always just re-rebadge it and replace the Proton logo with Mitsubishi ones. Two can play at that game.

Look on the bright side. Maybe now Proton might get a favourable review from the boys on Top Gear. Hopefully they won't realize it's a rebadge. Oh God...it's going to be a disaster.

Click to view larger image

On a side note I've designed a new type of iPhone incorporating the best of Malaysian technologies. And other stuff. If you're interested in buying one let me know. Buy Malaysian if you're a Patriot! If you're not it doesn't really matter. Some people would say it's an Apple iphone...well they're a bloody bunch of liars. Just look at the logo. It's a Durian iPhone not an Apple iPhone.

Defend the poor, oppose IDEAS

2010-11-28T01:02:00.004+08:00

WAN SAIFUL WAN JAN CHIEF EXECUTIVE (IDEAS)

Last week I left my job on a permanent basis because I felt that I wasn't earning enough for the amount of time I was putting in. Out of curiosity I googled "minimum wage Malaysia" I found out there isn't really a minimum wage in Malaysia even though there are plans to try and implement a minimum wage policy.

While browsing through the search results an article from the Malaysian Insider caught my eye. It was titled "Defend the poor, oppose minimum wage". It was written by Wan Saiful Wan Jan, the Chief Executive of the Institute for Democracy and Economic Affairs (IDEAS) a Malaysian think-tank.

I was curious about the title because I always thought that a minimum wage would help the poor. By the time I finished the article I was furious. Furious enough to write about it in my blog.

AS the title suggests Wan Saiful isn't too keen on minimum wage. He starts off by complaining how the EPF hinders him from hiring extra staff because as an employer it would cost too much. He hints that a minimum wage would have the same effect on employers. And if employers were forced to pay a minimum wage, low skilled workers would either lose their jobs or have a difficult time finding a new one.

Clearly it never occurred to Wan Saiful that he as an employer could reduce his own salary to compensate for the increased cost of hiring new employees. But of course not. That would be stupid. Just screw the employees instead and whine about it and blame everyone else. I wonder what his salary is compared to that of a low skilled worker?

Wan Saiful goes on and discusses about the time he was studying in the UK. He worked as a part-time toilet cleaner. And when minimum wage was introduced he lost his job. And that's why minimum wage is BAD people. Because Wan Saiful got fired. Boohoo. Clearly someone has an axe to grind. I'm sorry he got fired. But I'm pretty sure all the other toilet cleaners who kept their jobs appreciated earning a minimum wage. And for all you know Wan Saiful might have been a crap toilet cleaner. And that's what go him fired. I wonder how Wan Saiful would feel about minimum wage if he was still a low paid toilet cleaner?

He then gets a little personal by mentioning his Uncle, Pak Andak, who works as a security guard. And he is even aware that security guards aren't paid much (bless him); his Uncle can't even afford a motorcycle. What worries Wan Saiful the most is that if a minimum wage was introduced Pak Andak will lose his job. What strikes me the most is that Wan Saiful doesn't mind his Uncle being exploited by his employers. Or even consider the fact that a minimum wage might benefit Pak Andak.

In a different article from The Star Online another IDEAS henchman, a man by the name of Afif Abdullah commenting about minimum wage says that "It may raise income but there will be a minority who will lose jobs". Those good people at IDEAS don't seem to mind the fact that a MAJORITY of low-skilled workers are being exploited.

Afif Abdullah also believes that a minimum wage will attract youngsters to stop school. The attractive pay will lure them to work" he says. That is nothing but bullshit on an unprecedented scale. First of all youngsters don't want to do anything, let alone go and work. Do you think Afif's boss Wan Saiful would have dropped his studies in the UK to work minimum wage as a toilet cleaner? Hmm...I wonder how much Afif Abdullah makes for a living?

According to the Human Resources Ministry almost 34% of about 1.3 million workers earn less than RM700 per month, below the poverty line income (PLI) of RM720 per month. The Malaysian Trades Union Congress (MTUC) is asking for a minimum monthly wage of RM1200 per month.

Consider the plight of Ms. Nazlina Maimun. She is a single mother and the sole provider for her family. As a factory worker she earns RM565 per month. With overtime she might earn RM750 per month. After working at the factory for 5 years she still hasn't had a raise despite repeatedly asking for one. At least RM300 of her salary goes to rent. Then there are the utilities and groceries and school. Sometimes her children don't eat at school.

I don't deny the fact that if a minimum wage was to be introduced some people will lose their jobs. But why are employers and professionals like Wan Saiful and his crony Afif Abdullah deciding on behalf of the low skilled workers that they don't deserve a minimum wage? Are these two pompous asses representative of people like Nazlina Maimun? Does Wan Saiful worry about his rent? Does Wan Saiful have to send his children to school without food? Minimum wage is about protecting the RIGHTS of EMPLOYEES.

Think of Nazlina Maimum who is struggling to make ends meet. Then decide if a minimum wage is needed.

Think of Pak Andak who cycles to work every evening because he can't afford a motorbike (I'm pretty sure Wan Saiful can afford a bike). Then decide if a minimum wage is needed.

For the sake of the poor, Malaysians should endorse a minimum wage policy.

THIS is the guy who is defending the rights of the low skilled employees?! Clearly Wan Saiful doesn't need to worry about minimum wage....

Links:

The Star Online- Minimum wage

For balance you can always read Wan Saiful's opinions on minimum wage

I think I still owe you 10 cents

2010-11-20T15:56:00.000+08:00

There are many moments in my life (so far) that I tend to dwell upon. And when I do I feel awful. There was that first year in sixth form with Meagan. Then Prom with Sin Hwee. I'm not really prepared to recount any of those stories just yet. But one tale that I'm prepared to relate to you is the time I short-changed a taxi driver.

Strangely enough Sin Hwee was involved in this one as well. Although only indirectly. She had asked me to take driving classes with her and I did/ It was quite far from my house and as I couldn't legally drive yet I had to take a cab back home.

One day after a particularly bad lesson (I still hate manual cars) I found myself in quite a pickle. I only had RM5 in my pocket and I knew it would cost more than RM5 to get home. I couldn't withdraw any money from the ATM. I didn't have sufficient credit to call my parents to pick me up. And as far as I knew there wasn't anyone at home to pay for the cab fare. Walking home was not an option.

I decided that the only thing left to do was take a cab anyway. Before the meter hit RM5 I'd just get the driver to stop and walk the rest of the distance home. Things almost went according to plan.

I managed to hail a cab and on the journey back was constantly looking at the meter. Just before the meter reached RM5 I asked the driver to pull over. But by the time he did the meter read RM5.10. Naturally the driver was quite unhappy. I soaked up all the abuse he directed at me. I deserved it.

After he was done I got out of the cab and waited till he had left before walking back home. It was a very quiet walk home. Oh and it turns out there were people at home after all.

Image credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/42807077@N07/3998806770/

Erm...you can have the rest of it

2010-11-13T14:35:00.000+08:00

Goodbye Cruel World!

Once my cat Dusty had a sip of my Teh Tarik. I quite like Dusty but I was understandably upset about it. My father who had made the drink for me said "Go one and have the rest of it. He only had a little bit".

Now you may call me a philistine if you want. I'm not really comfortable with sharing my food or drink with an animal that likes to lick it's anus. I don't even share food with my sister. And she doesn't lick...I'm sorry I can't finish that sentence. I just threw up.

So Dusty got the rest of my drink and I didn't get to have my tea. And my father got to finish his. I'm sure the only reason he suggested I continue having my drink is so that I wouldn't take any of his. Or maybe he just didn't want to make another one for me.

But don't worry. Two can play at that game. I got my revenge on Dusty when I fed him that night...

Image credit:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kitta/15761022/

Thai road trip

2010-11-06T18:30:00.000+08:00

I'm the type of person who likes to reminisce a lot and lately I've been thinking about a road trip I took back in 2005 with my father and a group of his friends to Thailand. That had been by far the longest road trip I've ever been on.

We went to many places but the most memorable would have to be Nakhon Si Thammarat and Ko Samui. This may be a bit of an understatement but Thailand is pretty big. It took two days travel just to get to Bangkok. Needless to say after spending long periods of time in a car you start to suffer from a little cabin fever.

One of the main problems was that there wasn't much to do while travelling in the car. I didn't bring a Word search with me because that would have been insulting to my intelligence but crosswords are too hard. And Sudoku wasn't a big hit then (still wouldn't have brought it). I had only brought one book and that didn't last very long. We only had one mix tape and a Thalia CD. There is only so much Latin and reggae music one can listen to. By the end of the trip I knew all the tracks by heart. Local radio was out of the question as we didn't understand the language.

Asking a Malaysian to speak Thai is like asking an Englishman to speak French. Or maybe it's like asking Singaporeans to behave themselves once they cross the bridge. Only a small percentage actually do. Turns out Singaporeans are not as "civilized" and law abiding as they like to make others believe. I don't know why but I dislike Singaporeans regardless of their race, religion or creed. I wonder if Old Lee is going to sue me...he gets cranky when people criticize him, his son or the prison system in Singapore. At least over here when we ISA people they may one day actually get out and have the chance to sue the government and win some compensation. The Singaporean Government always wins. Just ask Alan Shandrake, a British author who was found guilty of "insulting the Singaporean judiciary". But I've gone too far off topic. Back to the story.

Watching films in different countries is a strange experience as well. I never knew Eddie Murphy could speak fluent Thai. This particular film was not only dubbed in Thai but the subtitles were in Thai as well. Believe me that didn't exactly improve the experience of the film. Of course in retrospect that might have been done to aid the hard of hearing.

Ko Samui is a very beautiful island. We had to take a ferry and the most amazing thing was that we could still get a phone signal while on the way there. Very useful if we had hit an iceberg along the way. The only problem with Ko Samui is that it's a lot like Phuket. It tries to cater to all the tourists a little too much. Besides the usual fast food outlets you could practically find restaurants from almost every Western country. What's the point of travel to a beautiful island like Ko Samui if you're not going to explore the local culture. We even came across a fish and chip shop run by an Englishman. Someone once asked my father where they could find some French food in Kuala Lumpur. He promptly told them to try France instead.

We were in Ko Samui for only a few days so we didn't do much. At least not me. I'm the type of person who hates big crowds and I get uncomfortable when leaving Kuala Lumpur. I did get to play mini golf though. It was my first and last time. The experience was a bit of a let down. There were a lot of Caucasian men zipping around the island on various types of bikes with a local girl holding on to his waist. Apparently the girls in Ko Samui are REALLY friendly.

Nakhon Si Thammarat was much better. Practically tourist free apart from us. One morning we went to the local fish market. Bought some really nice fish and had a barbecue on the beach. The water was clear and we had the whole place to ourselves. None of those annoying nudists that pop up in Phuket and Ko Samui. Well, we weren't exactly alone. There were two dogs erm.....well one dog climbed on top of another dog and you sort of get the picture. More dogs came by after the first two dogs got stuck to each other. That's not a euphemism. The fish was good though.

I think that was my last major trip abroad. I haven't been back to Thailand since 2005 and the last time I took a flight was back in 2001. What can I say? I really like KL.

There is one thing that us Malaysians could learn from our neighbours up North. Throughout our travels in Thailand there was not a single toll except in Bangkok. Might make our Government slightly more popular.

Best wishes to our dear Prime Minister who is recovering from chicken pox and is now in hospital being treated for gastritis. Give the man a break. After all he is trying to take care of 1Malaysia. I'm just glad that when our PM is down in the dumps his wife is ready to take charge.

Links of interest:
Freedom of Speech in Singapore

Why can't we cure cancer? We're busy playing with our coconuts.

2010-10-30T13:49:00.001+08:00

It was reported a few years ago on a Malaysian news website that a local university professor invented a new type of body armour. Made from coconut. I admire inventors because they think outside the box. When I see a coconut I don't exactly consider them to be bullet proof.

It took Dr. Mohammed Dan Mohammed Palil two years to develop his body armour made out of a combination of coconut husks and fibreglass. Typically body armour made out of kevlar weighs around 9KG and costs RM16,000. Coconut armour would only weigh 3KG and would sell for less than RM2000. Even though coconut armour is a cheaper alternative (imagine all the ammo you could buy) would you really want to be thrifty with something that could potentially save your life?

The professor wanted to prove that Malaysia could invent products and use waste material in the process. Hmmm...patriot and eco-warrior as well? Of course one of the other main reasons the Doc wanted to use coconuts was to give employment opportunities to the thousands of monkeys currently out of work. Hopefully this will help reduce anti-social behaviour amongst the monkey population and stop them stealing food from the tourists. I may have made that last bit up.

There wouldn't be much point in having a Malaysian made bullet resistant vest. At least for us locals. This is because it's illegal for Malaysians to own one. I understand why gun usage is controlled but with all the gun related crime taking place in our country you'd think we'd be given a chance to protect ourselves.

I want to go off topic slightly and mention the fact that in Malaysia only cops, politicians and criminals get to carry guns. It's sometimes difficult to distinguish them from each other.

I don't really know of the feasibility of such a product being mass produced for the world market. Since the article was published a few years ago there hasn't been any new mention of the coconut armour. Just because "Malaysia Can" doesn't mean we always should. Spending QUITE A LOT OF MONEY on a VERY TALL BUILDING is just a waste don't you think? Hmm...don't we arrest bloggers these days? Or maybe it's just cartoonists...or communists...I forget.

Of course with the austerity measures taking place in various other countries maybe there will be a demand for cheap body armour to be supplied to foreign armies. There are quite a few "long" wars still going on. Hopefully World Peace won't ruin things for us.

"The best armour is to keep out of gunshot"- Italian Proverb

Links:

Coconut armour from "THE STAR"

My name is Beardyman....and I have a beard

2010-10-24T12:28:00.000+08:00

I recently found out an interesting fact; it turns out that November is "National Beard Month". Okay, that may be completely irrelevant to some of you but not for me for obvious reasons. I've had my beard since I was 15 (a little too much testosterone) and so far I've never shaved it so most of my beard is still "Vintage".

Here is a short list of some perks that I've experienced since keeping my beard:

I'm saving money on not having to buy razors. Especially those expensive Gillette ones (what kind of pretentious douchebag spends RM30+ just on razors?)

While at Uni I was able to benefit from lectures compared to some of my friends. Being the ONLY person with a full beard in an auditorium of over 50 students meant that I could never skip class.

Being instantly recognizable. Many people don't know my name but like to describe me as the "fat guy with the beard". It funny because it's true....really.

A slight fear factor. People say I can be quite intimidating at first glance. Of course I then start telling too many jokes or they just read my blog and that's the end of that.

Always being questioned by people of authority. I remember one time being taken off the bus at the Singapore border and holding everyone else up for 20 minutes. Just making sure I ain't one of those Al Kader Terry Wrists innit....

The only downside to keeping a beard is that my friend Sukhdip enjoys having a pull on my beard. My beard to Sukhdip is like catnip to cats. I don't know what triggers it. Maybe it's his secret desire to have a full beard, or more worryingly he has a secret fetish I don't know about. But I do know that when he comes back in December he'll be trying to grab my beard like Quasimodo ringing the bells in Notre Dame.

So national beard month is less than a week away so if you try very hard and stop shaving you just might be able to celebrate in style.

How do I feel about my beard?
The hair on my face
What a wonderful place.
My beard is my strength.
I feel stronger the longer the length.
I forgot what I look like shaven and clean.
My beard is so fly, from space it can be seen.
Don’t touch a hair on my chinny chin chin
My beard is so thick I can’t find my skin.
Facial hair is the sign of wisdom and virility
And I’ll stay loyal to my beard to the best of my ability.
Beards in religions, beards in sports
Beards come in all shapes, sizes, and sorts.
So when people say “Why don’t you shave?”I say “Didn’t you know a real man’s beard never goes away!”

Poem credit:

Derrick's poem

Links:

http://blog.beards.org/

http://www.gentrystyle.com/grooming/grow-a-beard-this-november/

Old post involving my friend Sukhdip

Hmm...not very butch is it?

2010-10-16T15:01:00.001+08:00

This weeks "Newstory" is about a bikers gathering that took place in Phuket. Generally speaking when you think of biker gangs you imagine Harley Davidson choppers, men with beards, sunglasses, jeans and lots of leather.

In attendance at the gathering were 40 bikers from Pulau Penang representing Malaysia. While I must admit that our leather-clad bikers did look the part there were a few weak spots that need to be rectified.

First of I would suggest to the bikers that they should think about changing their gang title to something much more cooler or masculine. Lets review some of the other gangs present in Phuket. From the US of A were the "Hell's Angel's" (masculine and a very clever play on words) and the "Sun Riders" (not so masculine but very cool) The British contingent comprised of the "Mad Dogs" (very masculine and accurate; I've been calling the Brits that for a long time). The boys from Malaysia were called the "Eight Heaven Bikers" (What?!); maybe it's a cryptic clue but it's not very masculine or cool.

But worst of all was their logo. What kind of self respecting biker gang would consider having a UNICORN as a logo? Apparently the "Eight Heaven Bikers" would....

Of course I don't mean to offend. Those bikers do look pretty tough. Maybe even tough enough to hang me upside down to a lamp pole Mussolini style. I am merely suggesting to them that they should consider a few changes. Keep the name if you must but please take the unicorn away.

I was just wondering if those girls who play with those little unicorn dolls are honorary members of the "Eight Heaven Biker"...please don't hurt me.

Intimidating

Not very intimidating


Maybe I was wrong about unicorns after all

Source:
Berita Harian Metro

Image credits:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/zoomar/141098807/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/red5standingby/298033610/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/alcoholicaman/3063565156/

And women say MEN are pigs?!

2010-10-09T15:31:00.001+08:00

This picture has absolutely NOTHING to do with this post but please read on

I knew this girl Shamim back in Sixth Form who will remain partially anonymous and she asked me a bizarre sociological related question; "Are you a New Man or MCP?". I was a little confused by this and the way Shamim explained it was that a "New Man" was a man who believed in helping around the house or letting a woman take charge but of course that would mean you were gay. A man who believed in more traditional gender roles was known as a "MCP" or "Male Chauvinistic Pig" to be more exact. What kind of choice was that? Modern gay man or traditional pig? That event just proved 3 things to me; 1) sociology was a stupid pointless subject; 2) Shamim while being a bright and lovely girl was weir...erm...slightly eccentric and 3) men tend to be judged harshly by women.

I didn't answer Shamim's question at the time because she suddenly wrapped herself octopus-like in the arms of some bloke named A**r; apparently they were a couple, but I couldn't say. It's not as if I saw them EVERY MORNING in the Common room trying to conserve their body heat by holding each other tightly. I've gone off topic slightly but if given the choice again I would probably say I was a "MCP" and that if I ever was on a date (not that I would ever be) I would probably pay for dinner. I only mention this because I recently had a conversation with another girl I know who admitted something that shocked me to the core (well...not really but I found it mildly interesting). She told me that the only reason she went out on dates with men is so that they would pay for her dinner. She didn't care what they looked like or what they did for a living; as long as they had enough money to pay the bill they were okay.

I don't want to give you the wrong impression of this particular girl so I'd like to point out the fact it wasn't as if she traded sex for food; it was strictly about the dinner. All the poor bastard was going to get was an evening of light conversation and some money out of pocket. The next time the guy tried to set up another date he will find that she is no longer interested in continuing the "relationship". Hopefully you won't think too poorly of her.

She even joined Match.com so that she could go on many more dates. Maybe Match.com should add a new category for its members; "Just looking for food". My biggest concern is whether this kind of behaviour is not unique to this particular girl and that there are many more women using men as a free meal ticket. What would you call these types of women? The term "Gold Diggers" wouldn't apply because they don't want you for your money. At least when Anna Nicole Smith got married to that old guy we knew why she did it and somehow that seems nobler than going on "dates" with men for free food. Maybe it's just me but it seems rude and slightly cruel. To be fair when a man takes a woman out we all know what he's looking for; it's not exactly a state secret. Of course all I'm looking for is a loving and meaningful relationship (though as far as Shamim is concerned I'm still an "MCP"). And yes, I'm still very single...

The best part of her narrative was when she told me what she managed to get other men to spend (she was bragging a bit by now); $300 on Japanese food; $159 on Mexican; one guy spent $207 at the supermarket. What kind of idiot spends that much money paying for the grocery bills of a girl he had just met? And believe me this girl ain't THAT pretty; she's not really much of a Helen of Troy. Of course when it comes to behaving stupidly over a girl I'm a repeat offender; and people wonder why I have trust issues.

So in the future if I ever go on a date (probably won't) and the moment comes to settle the check, I'm going to be more of a "New Man" and just go Dutch.

Image credit:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/aphasiafilms/3931944/

Honest Guv, I had drugs! I've been framed

2010-10-03T06:58:00.000+08:00

What can possibly be worst than having the police find a stash of drugs in your home? Well if you're a man who is not Eddie Izzard then the next worst thing might be the police uncovering your stash of stolen women's underwear.

The police had raided this particular man's house on the belief that they would be uncovering a drug den but instead found 400 pairs of panties and 10 bras; not even new ones but "pre-owned". He like to give them a sniff as well as wear them. This unknown man has quite a long career as a serial panty stealer; he's been taking underwear since his school days and claims to have stolen "thousands" of panties (bit of a show off don't you think? Probably won't help his defence in court, stupid, stupid man).

It's not clear if he is going to be charged for the thefts but I'd think that prison would be the last place a panty thief would want to end up. He'd be spending his whole time picking up bars of soap. Of course a jail sentence might help him with his addiction; don't think you'll find much women's underwear in prison.

Source:

The Star

My first official job

2010-09-26T15:06:00.000+08:00

I'm going to be guilty of a little bit of nepotism in today's post; it will mainly consist of mention of my Uncle's book store which is where I now work. A little publicity never hurt and if the shop does well so will I. Besides having a wide range of religious books to choose from we also have clothing, posters, perfumes and many more items too numerous to mention.

Right now I'm working 7 days a week (I know..) from 11AM to 11PM; its different when you work in a shop compared to when you work in an office, it requires a little more effort. And to be fair I don't think in an office you'd have time to write your thoughts in your little notebook for your blog. Plus working 12 hours is better than doing nothing for 24 hours (pay could be better :P); it's nice to have some sense of direction and purpose.

So far I've been working at the book store for just over a month and I think I'm getting better at my job, or at least I'm making less mistakes. On my first day I managed to lose some money which thankfully didn't get deducted from my salary (did I mention it could have been more?). There are a few downsides to sitting in a shop all day; I spend most of my time waiting for a customer to come inside the shop. I sometimes see people looking at what's on display from outside and before I can invite them inside they walk away and I end up sitting behind the desk waiting for someone else to come by. Once when I came back from the Mosque I saw a woman looking into the store (I close the shop for prayers) and as she started walking away my Uncle who was with me told me to run after her and invite her into the shop. First of all I don't run, it's not a very pretty sight. Secondly, this was at night and I don't think it would have been good to run after a woman. I can imagine getting pepper sprayed and a quick call for the police. But it is great when someone comes in and you get to interact with them; it is even better when they decide to buy something (after all it helps to pay my salary).

Another issue I have is with customers who insist on getting discounts; for most of our books the prices have been set an on all our other items we take in a small margin and can't afford to give any discounts. Once after I explained this to a person they made a face and no longer want to continue with their purchase and leave whatever they took on the counter. Sometimes when you refuse to give a discount they tell me that they'll come back another time to the shop (so far they haven't come back yet). Why do people insist on discounts when they come to small businesses? I've never seen anyone ask for discounts at MPH; when you go to McDonald's or Tesco or Petronas do you ask for discount. Please try and tell me what their response is.

Sigh...besides learning to figure out who is a serious customer and who isn't you do learn to be patient and humble (at least you try to). But not all the people who've come to the shop have been rude or snooty; there have been some people that I've enjoyed talking to. I've even had some slightly eccentric (or "mental" depending on your outlook) people walk into the store and they were pretty nice. Probably the worst part is on Friday night when I get back home and think to myself "at least the weekend is finally here" and remember that I still work on the weekends. But it's getting better (I think).

There are of course some perks to working where I do; first of all I'm getting valuable experience; secondly I'm socializing more and this will hopefully help me be less shy; Pizza Hut is also just around the corner and right next door is a mamak restaurant called "Hj. Tapah" which has the best Naan and Tandoori I've ever tasted. Having some money in the pocket isn't so bad. I've made a wish list of things I want to get which includes a "Brothers and Sisters Box set"; "Nightvision Goggles"; "automatic pool cleaner" and a car.

Hopefully after reading this blog post a few more people will come by the shop or at least my Uncle will give me a raise. (I've calculated that if I spend RM0 of my salary it would take me several years to buy a decent car...or I could just get a Proton Saga.....)

So I've included a little map of where we are. If there is any particular book that you're looking for whether it is in English or Bahasa Melayu please email latahzantrading@hotmail.com and provide details such as the books title, its author and if possible the publisher.

My "office"

La Tahzan Trading
2779, Jalan Permata 6, Taman Permata, 53300 Wilayah Persekutuan, Kuala Lumpur

Congratulations, you're very, very old.

2010-09-19T00:19:00.000+08:00

I usually try to publish a post at least once a week and last week I missed one deadline. There are two main reason for this; one is that I'm working now so I don't have as much time to prepare and the second reason is that last week was Hari Raya and with I spent the weekend with relatives so I didn't have time to write anything. Hopefully in the future I won't miss any more weekends but if I do please don't be surprised, it's not so easy to blog when you have a new job.

This week I'm introducing a new category in my brilliant if underrated blog. I usually go through the newspapers and pick out stories that I find somewhat interesting (although you may not and frankly I don't give a damn) and comment briefly on it in my special way. It's getting very hard these days to "find the funny" as Stephen K Amos likes to say, what with all the murderous fake Datuk's out there. Some of the stories I've chosen are from a few months ago because I'm a slow writer I have a backlog of material to publish. Today's "Newstory" is about a Ms. Eugenia Blanchard, the World's oldest person.

I don't think I want to die young nor would I want to live past a certain age, lets say for arguments sake past a hundred. There wouldn't be much point to it; chances are that most of your family, friends and loved ones are probably dead. You're probably not as physically strong as you once were in your youth and if you're unlucky you probably lost lost your marbles a long time ago. If you haven't and wanted someone to talk to you'd be in a bit of a pickle; after all, I don't think your grand-children or great-grandchildren would want to spend too much time with you listening to stories of when you were young in the good old days (for the record I love my grandparents).

To be fair Ms. Blanchard who is 114-years young (why do the elderly insist on saying that?) is still enjoying a wild life style; she gets a glass of champagne on her birthday. And at 114 years how many glasses of champagne does she have left?

Living the dream eh?

Source:

The Star

Women only please

2010-09-05T06:45:00.002+08:00

Several months ago I saw an article on MSN Malaysia about KTM's introduction of a pink "women only" carriage. What intrigued me the most was the response by one person who commented that this was a sign of Malaysia turning itself into a ultra-conservative Islamic nation. What a load of bollocks! First of all Malaysia is hardly an Islamic country; just go to the city on Friday night and you'll see what I mean. Or try driving around KLCC in the early hours of January the 1st with all the beer bottles littering the street. What Malaysia is in fact a country with a majority Muslim population much of which is Muslim only in name and not practice. But I'm not writing this post to discuss the condition of Islam in Malaysia, there are many other blogs for that. I'm more interested in the reasons behind KTM's decision to include a "women only" carriage.

Whoever wrote that comment clearly didn't read the article in too much detail. While it is true that there is a "women only" carriage it is not mandatory for women to use the carriage. Women are free to use the regular carriages if they like. The reason why KTM introduced these pink carriages is due to a matter of safety. There have been many complaints made of sexual harassment by other male passengers, especially when it's crowded. In one blog I read a local girl recounted how she was groped while travelling on the KTM by a man who was pretending to be asleep. She then promptly whacked him on the head with her bag. A few of the other male passengers came to offer their assistance which proves not all men are vile perverts (a majority however are just regular perverts in the privacy of their rooms).

What's disturbing (but not surprising) is that this type of behaviour is not just found in Malaysia. A few other countries (some of them not very Islamic at all) have some form of segregation on their public transport. Japan has had for some time now a "women only" carriage on its subway trains due to the problem of groping and harassment. In New Delhi, Chennai and Calcutta there are at least eight commuter trains just catered exclusively for women. I also read about a taxi cab company started by two women (Andrea Winders and Tina Dutton) called "Pink Ladies Cab" that operates out of London and Manchester. As the name suggests these cabs are just for women and the drivers of the cab are women as well (cases of a woman sexually harassing another woman is rare); what about the colour of the taxis? Pink of course! The "Pink Ladies" cab service was started because the founders were concerned about the problems with illegal cabs and the threat that women faced from sexual assault. This is why as I've mentioned before all the cab drivers are women (a bit sexist that).

In the end this is a matter of men's attitude towards women. While all the different methods mentioned in the last paragraph may help to curb the occurrence of sexual harassment we need to remember that it is not a solution to the problem. While KTM has tried to address the issue their effort seems like a bit of a farce. I have even seen pictures in "the Star" (a local newspaper) of men sitting in the "women only" carriage which goes to show how seriously people take this issue. By contrast I recently read a story about the Indian Railway Ministry launching a dedicated "Ladies special" train from Delhi to Palwal; this train will consist of 9 carriages and will be guarded by a women RPF (railway protection squad) unit who will prevent unauthorised entry onto the train. KTM's introduction of the "women only" carriage is not widespread; it can only be found on the Sentul-Pelabuhan Klang route (this was written a few months ago, you may need to re-check this fact).

I'd like to end by defending men in general; I may be slightly biased though. After all I am part of the gender myself. Even though a great many of us may seem like complete assholes, a few of us are pretty good blokes (Yes, I am still Single).

Countries with "women only" buses:

Thailand
Mexico

Countries with "women only" train/subway:

Bangladesh
India
Japan
Brazil
South Korea
Mexico
Egypt

Countries with "women only" taxi cabs:

Englad
Russia
Australia
Iran
Lebanon

A few more pictures to prove my point

A "Pink Ladies" cab in action, notice the lady driver

I believe this is a bus in Mexico, the sign reads "Service exclusively for women"

Women waiting for the pink carriages in Japan, as groping and frottage has become so bad

A "women only" train in New Delhi, India

Image credits:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/aroberts/4370245943/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/baggis/3186621024/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kngo/3365757492/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/didbygraham/300018748/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/analogian/2176510339/

Website Links:

ENVEEUS.COM-KTM INTRODUCES IT'S PINK WOMEN ONLY COACH

Pink lady cab story

More women only cars in India

Ladies special train to Palwal

Kira Clchrane and her story of street harassment

Oh dear, not another one.....

2010-08-28T07:56:00.001+08:00

Yes! The rumours are all true! There is now a new addition to our feline family, a kitten that I like to call Blackie but is also known as Runt (I'm having this legally challenged).

Blackie with his "sad face"

Like all of our previous cats Blackie comes from an auspicious location; a Mosque/Surau. When we arrived for prayers we could hear a kitten mewing but we couldn't find the source of the noise. I don't like hearing abandoned kittens because a part of me feels that I need to bring them home with me. Obviously I couldn't bring every stray cat home but if I could I would. Anyway after the prayers I found my brother-in-law holding a tiny kitten in his hands and the kitten was in pretty bad shape. The kitten had clearly been abandoned and if we left it behind it wouldn't survive for very long.

First night in the house, he was quite knackered

The biggest dilemma was not whether I should keep the kitten or not but how I would coax my father to let me keep the it; after all it IS his house and he had the final decision. I knew he wouldn't be too happy, the last time I mentioned getting another cat he had said no. I figured the best option was to try to appeal to his sense of compassion. I carried the kitten in my arms close to my chest and went to the car; my dad saw what I had in my arms and immediately said "We are not bringing that home. Two cats is enough already". I offered a compromise "Let's bring him home for a while, then we'll bring him back". IT WORKED! And Blackie has been with us ever since. Next time I'm going to try for an Iphone, can't hurt to try after all.

Another "sad face" photo

A bit of a food hog this cat

Not everyone was happy with this new arrival, especially Dusty my second cat. Dusty took one look at Blackie and started hissing and growling ready for a fight. Clearly Dusty didn't like the prospect of being the middle "child". But that attitude didn't last very long. Dusty and Blackie are now the best of friends. They're always chasing each other around the house, jumping on the tables and knocking things down by accident. Whatever Dusty does Blackie will follow as well. Whenever Dusty wants to go outside he will scratch the door and Blackie does the same. Now that Dusty has a new best friend I don't feel so guilty about having to keep him indoors most of the time (if I let them both out 2 things might happen a) they get run over by a car b) they have their knackers cut off. More on that later in another post). My other cat Orange is very loving towards Blackie; sometimes he will lick Blackies fur but Orange does get annoyed when Blackie keeps trying to bite him.

Cats can really sleep anywhere

Within the first week of being with us we did need to take Blackie to a vet, Blackie wasn't too healthy to being with but then he started sneezing a lot and pus kept forming around his eyes. My main concern was that he might have gotten pneumonia. At the clinic we found out that Blackie had Chlamydia (yes, the STD. Apparently cats can get it too), the vet told us to wash our hands after holding Blackie as the Chlamydia could spread to people as well; the vet also mentioned that Blackie was about 4 weeks old. After getting the usual array of medications for the worms and the eye infection Blackie now has a clean bill of health.

With no blanket of his own Blackie can only look on as Dusty suckles

I've also started to notice that Blackie is quite independent. When he's not running amok around the house with Dusty you can usually find him on his own, chasing his tail or taking a nap in some nook and cranny. My biggest worry is stepping on Blackie as I come down the staircase as this is another favourite napping spot of his. Sometimes Blackie will just disappear for a few hours and I'd be frantically searching the house for the little bugger; then he'd pop out of nowhere ready and waiting for his food. Besides being a solitary creature Blackie is a bit of a climber; our curtains, high backed chairs and wooden screens are his Everest.

Playing together in the indoor garden

There are however a few downsides to having a lot of cats around the house. First of all they erm...poop a lot which means I have to keep changing the litter boxes every other day. Secondly, they eat a lot and feeding the cats means less money for me to spend on shopping; after all, a boy has to treat himself once in a while. The worst part is probably the scratching; many of our carpets, chairs and couches have become their scratching posts. But you know what? I wouldn't change a thing.

Chow time

I'd like to end this post with one final titbit. At the clinic I noticed a chart with all the different cat breeds. Based on what I've seen as well as my VERY limited expertise on cat genealogy I have ascertained that Dusty is a Siberian/Norwegian forest cat, Orange is a Bengal and Blackie is well... a mongrel to basically. Not that he gives a damn.

2 months has past now and Blackie is enjoying his nap

I miss the Jiang Shi

2010-08-21T14:33:00.001+08:00

We seem to be in the age of the vampire right now. There is Robert Pattinson from "Twilight", Stephen Moyer off "True Blood" and the latest newcomer is Paul Wesley on "Vampire Diaries" (personally I don't understand why women find these guys attractive). Mind you, not all vampire related films have always been successful; remember Eddie Murphy from "Vampire in Brooklyn"? Don't worry, many people don't remember either. But the vampire movies I enjoyed watching when I was much younger were the ones with the Chinese vampire a.k.a the Jiang Shi. Though I sometimes had to hide behind a pillow, I found the Jiang Shi quite entertaining because I had never seen anything quite like it before.

A little background information, the Jiang Shi were popularised in Hong Kong films in the 80's up to the early 90's. The Jiang Shi weren't strictly vampires like their Western counterparts; they were more like reanimated zombies with a thirst for human blood. Like a typical blood sucker, the Jiang Shi were nocturnal creatures; they were however blind and the unique feature of a Jiang Shi is that they hopped rather than walk and had their arms permanently outstretched as if just about to hug someone. But this was due to the fact that they had rigor mortis (I don't think many people would want to hug a Jiang Shi anyway). They weren't the most trendily dresses vampires around; their wardrobe consisted of robes like the ones that were worn by the Imperial Court officials; very vintage so don't expect to see anything by Ralph Lauren. Strangely, the clothes are in much better shape than the Jiang Shi themselves

Jiang Shi weren't the most attractive vampires either, what with their rigor mortis and decaying flesh. You can't exactly picture Anna Paquin or Kristen Stewart making out with one. Hmmm, is hat even politically correct any more? I don't think I can live in a world where a Jiang Shi can't have a relationship with a western woman. Dammit Obama! You promised us change! I may have gone off topic a little bit and maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill but that's just the way I feel. To be fair the Jiang Shi themselves doesn't really care since it's not really alive; it would rather take a bite out of a girl (or guy) instead of snogging her (or him).

A slightly inferior Western version of a Jiang Shi

Jiang Shi's aren't as tough as they are scary though. It's pretty easy to evade one, all you have to do is hold your breath and find the nearest exit. This is easier said than done though, if you're a heavy smoker than you probably won't last that long. I don't really know if you could kill a Jiang Shi; what I remember from the movies is that you had to stick a yellow piece of paper with a spell written on it onto their foreheads to disable one of them. Think of it as a very deadly game of pin the tail on the donkey. I remember one comical scene in one movie where soldiers armed with yellow baseball bats with the spell written on it had to swat it at a Jiang Shi's forehead. Unfortunately things didn't go according to plan and they ended up being a human slurpee.

Neutralized

Hopefully the film producers in Hong Kong will bring the Jiang Shi out of retirement soon because pale blonde vampires is like soooo yesterday.

Image credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/benchilada/2999039462/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/candiceecidnac/4086147109/

Gondolas....romantic? I don't think so.

2010-08-15T16:31:00.000+08:00

When you think of Venice the image you inevitably conjure up in your mind is a place where couples escape for romance, where the "Italian Job" was filmed and of course the famous canals with its many gondolas travelling at a slow and steady pace. Sigh...it must be wonderful to be with someone you love being conveyed along the canals by those iconic vessels. Actually I don't feel that way at all.

Personally I don't find gondolas very appealing. After all how romantic can it be when there is a sweating man behind you toiling away; not very romantic is it? Unless of course you like that sort of thing. And you're not going to get much privacy either; I saw this brilliant quote on a website "my parents took a gondola ride for their wedding anniversary and the gondolier ruined it by spitting into the canal the entire time". Enough said.

That kind of behaviour by a gondolier is a bit of a surprise , after all you'd expect them to be a little bit more professional since it's not easy being a gondolier. At its peak there were about 10,000 gondolas plying their trade along the canals of Venice, these days the profession is strictly regulated by a guild (the Mafia perhaps?) which only grants less than five hundred licenses per year. You would have to jump through a lot of hoops to get one; first of all you have to spend some time as an apprentice, learning the necessary skills needed to handle the gondola in the tight spaces of the Venetian canal. After that there are exams to test the prospective gondoliers knowledge of Venetian history, its landmarks and foreign language skills as well as the practical skills of the gondolier. I'm pretty sure spitting in the canal during the exams is not encouraged.

For all their trouble and hard work gondoliers stand to make a considerable amount of money. The rate for an evening tour is 100 Euro's for the first 50 minutes. Each additional 20 minutes costs 50 Euro's. You would have to be pretty smitten to spend that much time with a person on a little boat. I know some couples who would probably end up trying to drown each other in the canal. Let's not forget that it does cost a fair bit of money and in these times of austerity is it really necessary? Of course you could get one of those ersatz gondolas that they have in Central Park or in Las Vegas but it's not the same. The gondoliers tend not to spit.

Another romantic vacation ruined by a nosy gondolier...how rude!

Image credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ginsnob/3981978832/

Links:

History of the Gondola

Venice gets its firs woman gondolier

Gondolier course
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gondola

I feel so guilty.....

2010-08-15T16:19:00.000+08:00

The other day I was at Jusco Setiawangsa and while looking for some parking space I noticed a taxi in the "disabled only" parking. So I got out my phone and took a picture of the cab (send it to the Star and who knows, win RM50) and all the while I was thinking "What a jerk! He doesn't have the right to park there". When I had to leave I passed by the same spot and it turns out that the taxi driver was taking his elderly mother in a wheelchair for a day out. Who's the jerk now?

Paranoia

2010-08-07T15:42:00.000+08:00

Since I started writing this blog I've been using my "Little Oxford Dictionary and Thesaurus" a lot more. While the "Little Oxford" dictionary may not be as well known as the "Oxford University" dictionary or even the "Oxford Polytechnic" dictionary that doesn't mean that it is any less credible than the other two. Recently whilst flipping through the pages of the "Little Oxford" I came across the word "paranoia"; I read the definition and immediately thought of myself.

According to the "Little Oxford" the definition of "paranoia" is:

paranoia n. 1 mental disorder in which a person has delusions of grandeur or persecution 2 abnormal tendency to mistrust others

I don't know if I have a "mental disorder" but I do have delusions of grandeur; that's what most of my pipe dreams seem to be about and I do have problems trusting people who aren't friends or family. Hmmm...I think it's different for me because I naturally mistrust people and somehow that seems worse. Why won't anyone love me?

Please tell me I'm not paranoid. I won't believe you anyway.

Image Credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/katiew/320161805/

Honey, what's that floating in the toilet?

2010-08-07T15:35:00.001+08:00

A new category this week entitled "PicStory"; basically it's some interesting photos that I've taken with my digital camera (which no longer exists) or my hand phone (which thankfully still does) with a brief description. Whenever I add a short "Ramblings" post during the week then I'll supplement it with a "Picstory" post.

This weeks photo was actually from two months ago. My sister had moved back into the house and is now staying in the guest room. It was pretty uneventful for a few weeks until one day I was in the kitchen I heard my sister screaming from her room. Now I'd like to tell you that I rushed to her room and broke the door down with a swift kick and went inside. But I wasn't in too much of a hurry; after all I WAS making some Milo.

When I got to her room she told me to look inside the toilet bowl; slightly worried that this might be some horrible big sister prank I approached the toilet bowl with some trepidation. Turns out that she had a little "visitor" . A monitor lizard had decided to sneak up the pipes to have a little bath; its pretty lucky, my sister was just about to use the toilet before she decided to look down and saw the little critter. Sigh...it's not easy being a reptile nowadays, sometimes they get crapped on. After posing for a quick picture the monitor lizard swam back into the pipe to find some peace in another toilet bowl.

Drop it like it's hot

2010-07-31T23:44:00.001+08:00

I am a bit of a sucker when it comes to gimmicks and the most recent example of this is was when I bought a Hot-Can caffe latte. I was at the Petronas mart heading for the cashier when something caught my eye; a self-heating can, I knew immediately that this was something that I needed to buy. Before my brief review of the beverage I'd like to give a little background information on the man who invented the product.

Hot-Can is a Malaysian product (Malaysia Boleh!! In your faces China!). The man behind Hot-Can is one Datuk Kenneth Warren Kolb and in an article on the company's website, it was written that what inspired Datuk Kolb to invent was Thomas Edison's "spirit of perseverance" and Sir Isaac's "dogged determination". Hmmm, I don't really think Hot-Can comes close in terms of impact to the human race as the good old lightbulb. According to the website, it had apparently cost RM20 million to develop Hot-Can (what a waste of good money) but you know what they say. To make some money you need to spend some money (still a waste though). Of course Datuk Kolb still need at least another RM50 million to increase production (good luck explaining that to the bank manager); currently about one million cans are exported to Australia every month. The website also claims that Hot-Can has a positive impact on the environment, using about sixty-five percent less energy than a standard kettle (what a load of marketing bollocks). So clearly if you love Mother Earth, Hot-Can is for you.

Lets move on to the product itself. The can is split into two chambers. The above chamber contains the beverage and the bottom chamber contains water + calcium oxide (quicklime). When you press the button at the bottom of the can the water mixes with the quicklime and it takes roughly three minutes to heat the drink to about fifty degrees Celsius.

So on to the review, your first question might be "Did the drink get hot? Yes it does, for RM20 million it better! In fact it gets too hot and since the can is made out of aluminium it doesn't really help; it became too hot to handle and I had to pour it into a mug before drinking it. What did it taste like? Well....it tastes like cafe latte out of a can; make of it what you will but it's personally not my cup of tea. You don't get much to drink in the first place since a third of the can hold the water and quicklime. And when it costs RM5.90 per can then this drink isn't really worth it, just stick to your local mamak. Like I said before it's just a gimmick and that day was the first and last time I'm buying a Hot-Can cafe latte.

Also on the website it was mentioned that Datuk Kold is planning to release a self-heating baby formula for "mothers on the go". Just what is wrong with women's breasts? Okay, so they don't get hot, I'll concede that point. On the other hand it might actually stop women from breastfeeding in public (awkward). I don't think its a really good idea, too many Health and Safety issues. But then again this IS Malaysia, as long as it doesn't kill you we don't really care.

Links:

Hot-Can website

Photo Rogue

2010-07-25T01:37:00.000+08:00

Not much going on this week so a just a short review. I had come across a photo sharing website called Photo Rogue a few months ago. With other photo sharing websites such as Flickr (using advanced search with creative common license) you may not always get the photo that you are looking for. Photo Rogue is unique in the sense that you can specify the type of photo you need and a volunteer will hopefully be able to fulfil your request. It's a bit like Make-A-Wish except with Photo Rogue you don't need to have a terminal disease which is a plus (just to clarify, the good people at Make-A-Wish do a great job).

The gallery page on the PR website is filled with many examples of interesting and strange requests made by people that have been completed by the hard working volunteers. Unfortunately, like the "History on air" podcast there doesn't seem to be any recent activity on the website. So to the test the system I made three requests using three separate email addresses (yes I have a lot of time on my hands and btw an email address is required for request confirmation). The three requests were of varying difficulty and I was curious as to which request would be completed. They are as follows:

1)A photo of a group of police officers eating doughnuts. Difficulty easy; cops like doughnuts we all know that.

2)Various people wearing a Halloween costume astronauts helmet. Difficulty medium; it's a strange request I know but on the gallery page I saw a completed request for "various people wearing wigs" so I figured this was doable.

3)Two drunk people pushing their passed out friend in a shopping trolley at night. Difficulty hard; obviously because of the effort and logistics involved. Had very little hope of this one being completed.

Well, lets just say a significant amount of time has passed since those emails were sent and so far NONE have been completed. Guess all the volunteers are busy doing real work. So for now I will depend on Flickr, even though the results aren't always adequate. If any of you happen to have a digital camera and some free time then maybe you could complete the requests for me. I'd do it myself but you know, where would I find a supermarket trolley?

Some images from the Photo Rogue gallery:

5th request "leaning houses"

43rd request "pictures of various people with Afros"

36th request "a person diving for a Frisbee."

Links:

http://www.photorogue.com/

About a girl and her camera

2010-07-17T12:18:00.003+08:00

Morecambe had Wise, Ricky Gervais had Karl Pilkington and Dr. Evil had Mini-me. What I'm trying to point out is SOMETIMES when you put two random people together some great friendships can take place. I'm pretty sure Ricky Gervais and Karl Pilkington on their own are deeply boring people but put them together in a room and great things happen. And Sara Lai is my Karl Pilkington.

Who exactly is this Sara Lai? A famous celebrity (erm) or a wanted criminal (hmmm) but to me she is a friend from school who I sort of promised to write an entry about in my blog. This was a few months ago and I'm finally getting around to it because she is graduating this week and I didn't have much else to do. I need to be very careful in what I mention about Sara; the last post I wrote about a friend who shall remain anonymous (SUKHDIP SINGH AN EMPLOYEE OR MERCER, LONDON) ended badly and now whenever I try to IM him he says he's sick and conveniently goes offline. Sigh, one less person to send e-cards to. Mind you it probably didn't help when I gave his name and place of work just now, it's too late to take it down so please ignore it. So I'm going to tread carefully when discussing about Sara and try to give a balanced view of the type of person she is; this will be part testimonial and part hatchet job which is exactly my style.

I've known Sara for quite some time now, maybe it has been nine years now since I first met her in Year 10 double science and at first we never really talked to each other; she was quite snooty to be honest and she only hung out with the cool kids of the class (Sin Hwee and Pei Leeng). I found it pretty hard to concentrate in class, Sara was always heckling out poor teacher and would put her hand under her shirt to make farting noises (girls will be girls). Thankfully by the time we reached 6th form she had stopped those bad habit and it was in 6th that Sara and I really became friends during our Geography and Business Studies class.

It was during 6th form that I found out that Sara can be a bit of a smooth talker; somehow she managed to get me to buy not one but two of her Maksim albums (Jedi mind trick perhaps?) And who is Maksim you might wonder, which is my point exactly. The CDs don't really have much second hand value. Later when A-levels were over and I was struggling to find a university to go to, Sara then invited me to join UCSI. At UCSI we would both regularly meet each other in the library or McDs to exchange jokes and anecdotes about the other students or the lovely lecturers at UCSI. It was quite nice actually, when all my other friends had gone west for university Sara was still the only friendly face in a strange new place. Alas, all good things must come to an end and soon she too left for the land with a Ben who was very Big and a old lady living in a big mansion who likes to fiddle with her crown jewels. Do not shed a tear for me because behind every cloud there is a silver lining. Joining UCSI meant that we both got to split the RM500 finders fee and before she disappeared she did leave me a souvenir, her UCSI photocopy card (which she persuaded me to buy).

One of the great things about Sara is that we have had many great conversations over the years, for example she asked me what I thought about the whole 2012 phenomenon; I told her with only two years left she might as well leave uni, kick back and enjoy the last two years. Once when we were on messenger Sara sent me a picture of a girl (it wasn't porn) and asked me whether she should change her hairstyle to the girls hair in the picture. of course my immediate response was "Sara, I am a man. I don't care about hair" but honestly I thought she would have looked fabulous. But the best one so far is when we were talking about her marriage plans. Apparently she was told that for women before marriage it was important for them to be skinny before they can find a husband. Of course after marriage a woman is allowed to gain as much weight as she wants, which is what Sara is planning to do. Poor bugger whoever he is.

However, one of the things we constantly argue over is how she feels about Malaysia. Now I am by no means a patriot or nationalist but Malaysia is my country and I love everything about it so I get easily offended when other Malaysians put it down. Of course Sara doesn't consider herself to be a Malaysian, as far as she's concerned she is British. In fact Sara is so British she plans on being a full time member of the BNP, once she even complained that London was full of immigrants and when I had pointed out she herself was an immigrant she said she was actually technically a British citizen. She explained that she was more British because when she first arrived in London she had decided that she wanted to live there. Good Luck explaining that to David Cameron.

Besides having a brief career as a band leader (orchestra) Sara also managed to get a job at Vogue magazine where she was helping to protect the planet by recycling old magazines. Of course "recycle" actually means bringing them home with her. Once I asked Sara if she could help get me a job at Vogue but she just laughed. She can be quite cruel sometimes...

Sara's last meal before she became a vegetarian. Cute lamb btw

And Sara is full of strange ideas, she recently decided to become a leaf eater or what is commonly known as a vegetarian. I am a little worried about her, this strange cult can be very dangerous for the planet. After all if they started eating all the green stuff in the world then there wouldn't be any trees left and imagine how bad global warming would be. That's why I eat meat, I care about Mother Earth. Of course Sara is one of the more cooler vegetarians; if you took her to McDonald's and had a Big Mac in front of her she won't mind and if you don't like the lettuce you can just give it to her! See, everybody wins.

One of the last things I'd like to mention is that Sara told me that she has a purple journal with "interesting" stories about "interesting" people. I'm afraid I can't be more specific, I heard that she like to turn people into cupcakes (if you know what I mean). Plus she has some pretty compromising photos of me (don't ask).

Hopefully this very long entry has given you some insight into who Sara Lai actually is. In a fair and balanced way of course. Sara will always be a good friend of mine even though she is a Brit (no ones perfect). I'd also like to congratulate her on her graduation and during the ceremony this coming Monday I hope Sara if you do read this that you don't trip on your gown after throwing up all over the dean. Remember only a few hundred parents and students will be watching you. Good luck and remember to smile.

I'd like to end by repeating something I told Sara not too long ago "Sara you're special in the special way that special people are special". Enough said.

Sara's links:
http://saralai.com/
http://themoonhaslanded.com/

Give me a life where there is an opportunity to love

2010-07-11T11:18:00.001+08:00

Enough Said.

Image credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/26155135@N04/4377161349/

History on air

2010-07-11T11:14:00.000+08:00

I enjoy listening to podcasts these days, especially ones that are free. One such podcast that I've enjoyed listening to is "History on air". As the name suggests the podcasts are all history related (duh!) and they cover a wide range of subjects and people such as the American Civil War and Queen Elizabeth Numero Uno (That's "one" for you non-Italian speakers). My personal favourite episodes are "The Battle of Blair Mountain" and "The floating whorehouse".

History on air is hosted by Jason Watts and he is a amateur historian. He does a good job in researching all of his topics and also provides all the relevant sources/links to all of his podcasts. The sound quality of the podcasts are somewhat poor in the first few episodes though over time it improves thanks to a investment on a decent microphone on Jason Watts part. Besides Jason Watts there are also several other co-hosts who also contribute to the podcast one of which is his wife (Michelle, I think). I enjoy listening to one co-host who has a lovely Southern accent.

The "History on air"archive contains 118 episodes each of which can be downloaded for FREE. Regrettably the podcasts haven't been updated in quite awhile; the last episode was uploaded over a year ago. Hopefully this hiatus is only temporary and while the there are no new episodes being added the "History on air" website is still regularly updated with articles, though I still prefer listening to the podcasts, even with all the mispronunciations.

I was searching Flickr for an appropriate image to accompany this podcast and searched "History" but didn't find anything that stood out. Just out of curiosity I typed "Jason Watts" and lo and behold a few photos popped up. That just goes to show that you should never give up.

Link:
http://historyonair.com/

Image Credit:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/griddlecakes/262720051/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/griddlecakes/457377706/

I apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused my only fan

2010-07-05T01:30:00.000+08:00

I was recently sent an angry message by the only fan (I think) of my blog, some girl who calls herself Sara "Knickers" Lai. She had reminded me on Facebook that soon it was going to be my day of birth and Sara also hinted that she was quite disappointed that I didn't blog regularly and that I should make more of an effort and not be so lazy. Okay, I MAY have taken some artistic license in describing what had actually happened but the gist of the story remains the same.

To be fair I do try to publish a post at least once a week; this is no easy task for me since I have to sit down and write in my journal before transferring it online. Plus it takes a lot of effort to write a funny and if I may say so bloody well written post without constantly getting sidetracked. It has been quite difficult this past month since I've been slightly more busy than usual. Besides the usual chores my lovely sister has returned from London with her equally lovely husband and for the past few weeks I've had to drive them around; one can't drive, one won't. On top of that ever since their return we've been having late night UNO tournaments on a regular basis (turns out I'm a bit of a pro); there's also a new kitten in the house (more on that later) and two weeks ago I got into a my first car accident.

Exhibit A: Where the accident occured

Exhibit B: Damage to my car

It wasn't very dramatic, there weren't bodies lying on the road amidst shards of broken glass; it was just a simple fender bender. Basically the other cars left side knocked into my bumper. That day I had to drive my nephew to his class and while crossing the road at a junction I got hit by Malaysia's version of the Mr. Bean car a.k.a Perodua Kelisa. To be honest I didn't notice the car and when I did it was too late to avoid hitting the car. Since this was my first official car accident and I was slightly startled; I believe my first words were 'I'm Screwed....oh God my Dad is going to kill me'. I am proud to say I followed correct procedure, I immediately approached the other driver Cik Yaakob and we both exchanged our I.C. and license details. That was the easy part, then we had to decide what to do about the damage. Less than 2 mins after the accident her son showed up and they both said I should pay (naturally). My father turned up as well and he said that looking at the damage she clearly cut in front of me and that since both cars received minimal damage we should both repair our own cars. Unfortunately Cik Yaakob didn't agree so we both had to go to the traffic police station to make official reports.

Exhibit C: Damage to the other car

It was actually quite strange, Cik Yaakob had a cat in the car and she told us that she had just come back from the vet and that she was leaving that night for the airport to attend a relatives graduation. But the day was going to get stranger. I would also just like to say that Cik Yaakob and her son were very nice people even when they kept telling me it was my fault; her son even told that if I agreed to pay for the damage I can choose a car shop of my choice to do the paint job.

So after getting home and calming myself down with a mug of nice warm green tea I sat down and met with my legal council (sis, bro-in-law and Dad) to prepare my defence. They told of horror stories of the police taking me into a room and questioning me so I may have taken it a little too seriously; first I prepared my police statement and then I went to the scene of the accident to take pictures of the road (managed to get into an argument with three people there) so I could better explain what had happened to the fuzz. In the end it turned out to be pretty anti-climatic. That night at the police station the cops clearly did not regard a fender bender as a top priority; the world cup was on the TV and I saw one cop checking his Facebook profile on the computer. They took my statement (no interrogation was involved) which did not come close quality wise to the one I had already written down. The highlight of the night was that I got to take a ride in a cop car (without handcuffs!) and I talked to a friendly Sergeant (I think) who was a UN observer and later a peacekeeper in the Balkans.

Sadly no police siren

Anyway, a week passed by and that same friendly Sergeant called to tell me that I owe the police RM300 for causing the accident. If only they took a look at my pictures and used my statement!! Alas, things don't always work out for me; C'est La Vie.

That's right I "caused an accident" but I was framed!!!

So now the fine has been paid and I just want to remind the readers out there that 1) drive safely and 2) only go to the police for serious matters, that way you won't interrupt them while they're on Facebook and 3) I'm innocent!!. I will also try to be consistent with my posts in the future, lest I lose my only fan, one Ms. Sara Lai and end up getting told off on Facebook.

Even Dusty is busy watching the World Cup

I would also like to make a slight correction, earlier in the first paragraph I said that Sara's nickname was "Knickers", that was a typo error. What it should have been is Sara "Knitters" Lai. I apologize for this mistake and will fire my typist immediately

Don't trust the English, they'll take your camera!!

2010-06-26T07:33:00.000+08:00

What is happening in England that they don't want you to know about? I'd show you if I could but the police just took my camera. Just kidding! They didn't take my camera but apparently they can do so now if they wanted to. My friend Sara (Brill photographer btw) sent me a link to a story of the recent "Mass Photo Gathering" in Trafalgar Square; this protest took place in response to restrictions on public photography. Apparently these days if you want to take a photo in Trafalgar Square you need a special permit to take commercial photos only, which is the main reason why hundreds of photographers gathered at the square and well....took pictures (which is technically speaking illegal). This sorts of makes you wonder how many tourists are in prison right now for taking photos of Big Ben.

Getting booked under Section 44

This new fear of the camera is due to worries that a terrorist might be scouting out locations to plan attacks; luckily the police and the PCSO have been quick to suppress these latest anti-social behaviours. Here are a few examples; according to the BBC in 2008 Phil Smith went through a formal "stop and search" for daring to snap a few photos of the Christmas lights in Ipswich. Meanwhile in Bedminster a plumber by the name of Andrew Carter was arrested and then charged for the laughable offence of "assault with a camera"; was Andrew running amok on the streets of Bedminster in the nude while swinging his camera above his head and smashing it into pensioners? No....his "crime" was that he took a photograph of a police officer ignoring a "No Entry" sign while driving. Unfortunately the mentioned police officer saw what he did and booked him. My personal favourite is of a man in Kent arrested for taking a photo of a fish and chip shop.

His only offence was to carry a "large camera"

It's ironic this new attitude to public photography when you consider the fact that there are over 4.2 million CCTV cameras in the UK watching your every move. What's next? Will street painters be prevented from painting in public? Will the British Gov offer a camera amnesty program? Offering people guns if they hand in their cameras? Gordon Brown once gave a speech at the University of Westminster (a bit long this, so I'll only mention the important parts) saying that 'Now is the time to reaffirm our distinctive British story of liberty...the character of our country will be defined by how we write the next chapter of British liberty'. Sigh Brown isn't in office any more (not that it would matter if he was) and with the Conservatives in power I doubt it'll change any time soon.

So what should you do if you're not prepared to hand in your camera or are tired of being Sectioned 44? I say forget the English and move to Scotland!! They may have strange accents and questionable taste in food but at least there you can take photos in public and the men wear skirts! Imagine what great fun you will have over there snapping away. Unless of course the rules have changed over there as well.....then Welcome to the UKSSR!

Some photos from the Mass Photo Gathering at Trafalgar Square

Image credit:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/faraway/2036972779/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/gnasheruk/4373600724/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/asw909/4300191517/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/oufoxy/4350466677/in/set-72157623417409926/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/lewishamdreamer/4318701886/in/pool-massphotogathering
http://www.flickr.com/photos/weglet/4298166960/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/lewishamdreamer/4316636963/

Links:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/philipjohnston/4632459/Why-cant-we-take-pictures-of-policemen.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/7351252.stm
http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/law/article7050481.ece

Malaysian Mamak Culture

2010-06-13T22:46:00.000+08:00

When one thinks of a country or city there are certain idiosyncrasies that pop into your head. For example when you think of London what you get is Big Ben, red telephone booths & black cabs (oh and some old lady with a burger king crown on her head). What Kuala Lumpur has is the Twin Towers, really bad cabbies & above all else in my opinion the mamak restaurant. I'm not a tourist so you don't see me bending my body at weird angles to get a shot of the Twin Towers; I don't take public transport so errant cab drives are irrelevant (are those new anti-haggling measures working?); I do however live in KL and I love to eat so when in doubt of where to have my next meal the mamak is where I turn to.

There are certain things that I find endearing about eating at a mamak be it a stall, van or proper restaurant. First of all the mamak is a place where all Malaysians converge; whether you are down-and-out or well-to-do, you will visit the mamak at least once a week. Another thing that I quite like is that everyone is called "Bos", from the server to the customer. When you want to order you just raise your hand and call out Bos and when it's time to pay get called Bos as well; it's almost utopian. And the mamak is a cheaper alternative compared to some other food outlets, though that's not always the case. Once I got charged RM7 for a mee soup which is scandalous. These mamaks are what we call "cekik darah" and must be avoided at all costs so that they will die out.

RM1.20 for a Roti Canai!!! Scandalous!! Avoid this place

The standard meal at any decent mamak is roti canai and teh tarik. Just to illustrate how important roti canai is a few years ago when the Gov was planning too reduce the subsidy for flour the mamaks were threatening to stop making roti canai. And over the years the menu at a mamak has diversified, you can now find Thai and Western dishes on the menu. There is even a variation on the basic foodstuff like roti tisu, roti milo, naan cheese, naan keema and many more.

Indian Feast

Of course its not all great. Service and cleanliness can be a factor. The standard excuse at a mamak is 'It's on the way'; once it took forty five minutes before our food arrived. A girl I knew in sixth form told me that once she saw the waiter at a local mamak drop a fried chicken drumstick onto the floor, he then picked it up, brushed it off and put it back on the plate. Another negative in my opinion is the yuppie culture creeping into the mamak (many now have wi-fi). Occasionally you can find people with laptops sitting there (it's amazing that they get upset when you look at their screen); personally I think they should just stay at Starbucks.

Sometimes you can find mamak culture abroad, a friend of mine living in Sydney (Rachel Kelapakepala; that's her actual name) went to a restaurant called "Mamak". She ordered a rojak and paid AU$12 (total rip btw) and she says that over there they eat roti canai with Vegemite; it's not the same. I'd just like to point out that Australian mamak culture doesn't even come close to MALAYSIAN mamak culture which is the best.

However above all else the mamaks serves an important social function as a place where people gather to meet with one another. One of the most frequent sights you see at the mamak are many "Shadow Government"; these are small groups of mostly retired men sitting at tables discussing how the country should be run. Now I'm not the one who is in a position to judge whether the various ideas on domestic and foreign policies are infeasible or otherwise. But seriously, when you spend most of your time at a mamak you're probably not going to effect government decisions very much. The mamak also plays an important role during live sporting events; this is because they usually have satellite tv and there is the added convenience of having food and drinks just a few feet away. So during this years world cup you can expect many people to spend their nights there.

Recent gathering to watch a World Cup match

My favourite mamak is near Masjid India by the river, it's very small and basic compared to most mamaks but it does very good business. AS far as I'm concerned it has the best teh tarik and I do enjoy having a "roti special"; what's so special about it? I guess you just have to go and find out yourself.

"Proper" way to make a Teh Tarik demonstrated by a local

A "Mat Salleh" lame attempt to copy the Malaysian way. FAIL

Image Credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/resakse/2961415666/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kojach/3829837427/in/set-72157622008477166/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/larra505/4557289603/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lhtan_31/253911601/

Receipt photo taken by "Beardyman"

The Bro Code

2010-06-06T15:10:00.001+08:00

Remember Scratch from the paintball post? I MAY have suggested he wasn't the brightest of people; now some of you out there may think that this is an unfair portrayal of a close friend, however I do now have some proof when is comes to Scratch's questionable intelligence.

Recently he messaged me on Facebook informing me that he was going to the Isle of Wight Festival this summer, apparently Jay-Z is headlining act and in his words 'Hell yeeaahhh'. Now Scratch also asked me another brilliantly stupid question, again these were his words 'Btw who is paul mcartney n wats his music like? he's headlining a diff night n I dunno really what he is about but apparently he's famous?'

Well honestly, kids these day's don't know nothing plus he can't even write proper English. This is from a guy who was Head Boy once, GIS is certainly dumbing down its prefects. How Scratch even has a job I have no idea, it's probably more of who you know than what you know. Though Scratch DOES work in the insurance industry which explains why the world is in recession. Now I freely admit that I may have composed a scathing reply, insulting Scratch of his lack of knowledge but can you blame me? When someone asks who Paul Mcartney is that's the only way to respond. I MAY have also mentioned it on Facebook using the status update so that everyone could see it. All I can say is that I blanked out from total shock.

Of course Scratch when he found out about this was QUIET upset, claiming that I broke the "Bro Code"; in typical Neanderthal fashion he has threatened me with violence. I'm not too worried though since I'm pretty sure I haven't broken any of the rules of the "Bro Code".

After all the #1 rule of the code of brothers is "Bro's before Hoe's" and since said "Hoe's" were not involved the code of "Brohood" is null and void so legally I'm in the clear. However, if this ends up being my last post please someone call the police.

Dedicated to Scratch a friend since 1994

On another note I may have suggested in paragraph three of this brilliant post on this brilliant blog that Scratch got employed on the basis of his connections and constant ass kissing. Now for legal purposes I have to clarify that I don't know whether this is true or not and it's probably just hearsay. I can however attest that Scratch can get pretty violent after his all night binge drinking and he has several times in the past laid his hands on me (he likes beards for some reason) and assaulted me though out of fear I did not go to the police (I'm in counselling). AND I would also like to add that Scratch might have been employed on his own merit, through his hard work in Sixth form and at Southampton University, though I haven't found ANY evidence of this.

Image Credit:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/simonrobic/3399160328/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/dagb/331198166/

Link to last post with Scratch:
http://ramblingsnpipedreams.blogspot.com/2010/05/when-did-paintball-stop-being-fun.html

Arrrr yar married yet?

2010-06-03T23:32:00.000+08:00

Are you married yet? That is probably the second most frequently asked question that I hate having to answer. The first is 'So what are you doing now?'. Usually I answer truthfully and say 'Nothing', which ends the conversation immediately. I only mention this because the other night as I was sitting on a bench outside at he Mosque a man asked me if I was married; maybe he asked me that question because he thought I was was older, I just smiled and shook my head. But he kept pressing, 'Are you sure? Don't you know any girls from School or University that you're interested in?'.

The reason I hate these questions is having to answer them can be a bit of a bother. It's hard for me to explain to people that I tend to have bad luck when it comes to having a relationship with women. I get infatuated way too easily and end up making bad decisions. I may be shy and awkward but I have tried twice back in 6th form and boy did that end up going pear-shaped. Prom for me will always be a dirty word (maybe I'll explain more one day). Those experiences left me with even less self-confidence; I tend to keep my distance with girls now, maybe maintain those friendships. So when I went to Uni I spent most of my time in the library or the gym, though if you look at me you will clearly see that I spent more time in the library than the gym (winking smiley). And anyway it doesn't matter now, in my current situation it's hard to meet girls my age. So instead of trying to give a long-winded explanation I just say nothing. I remember being asked by another man whether I was married or not and when I told him I was only twenty-two he said that he got married at eighteen. I didn't know what to say so I just smiled.

Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of being married and all that but it's hard to attract someone when you're unemployed, imagine what the future in-laws would think. Unless of course that person is George Michael who I've read isn't too picky but he's not my type. It's not him you see (he's probably a very nice person), it's just his gender. I do hope something comes along soon. You know your social life is in jeopardy when you're mother wants to set you up with a daughter of a friend.

Happy Mothers Day by the way

Image Credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/steeljam/3375408198/

Sometimes it's too good to be true

2010-05-29T15:44:00.002+08:00

This happened to a friend of my father, we will refer to him as Todt (not his really name obviously). Todt was at the petrol station refilling his car when a man approached him looking desperate (we will now refer to the man as the BASTARD). The BASTARD told Todt that he was having some financial trouble and really needed some money. He then offered to sell his phone for RM500, the phone was a latest model Nokia and had all the bells and whistles. Todt checked the phone out, everything was working fine and managed to get the price reduced to RM100 after bargaining with the BASTARD. The BASTARD pocketed the cash and Todt pocketed the phone, thinking he had gotten away with a good deal.

So Todt was obviously surprised when he got home and the phone didn't work. Took it to be serviced and the phone turned out to be a display or dummy set. Apparently what happened was that the BASTARD showed Todt a real phone and while Todt was distracted with taking his money out of his wallet switches the good phone with the display/dummy phone. And the BASTARD quickly takes the cash careful too make sure no one sees the big smile on his face (I was told a dummy phone only costs RM20)

So the lesson is quite clear, if someone approaches you in a public place and offers to sell their handphone cheap don't be tempted by it. Now Todt has a very nice paperweight/doorstop and the BASTARD at least only walked away with RM100. It's a win-win situation (?). Maybe Todt could go to a petrol station and ask someone to buy his brand new phone for RM100.

For legal purposes I must clarify that while I referred to the alleged criminal as the "Bastard" all people accused of a crime are innocent until proven guilty by a jury of their peers. Please don't let my callous name calling pertaining to the said suspect in this post let you make a judgement on his innocence/guilt. For all we know he could have been scammed himself and was MERELY trying to recoup his losses and he was in fact just recycling the phone to save the environment (I should have been a lawyer). But I'm still calling him a Bastard.

Image credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/samiksha/445070705/

MyEG Services

2010-05-29T12:54:00.000+08:00

This is just a personal observation of a service that I used a few years ago. I had been going through my cards when I noticed that my license was close to expiring; the last time I needed to renew my license I used the buddy system e.g. a friend got my license done for me, for a small fee I might add. This time I was still too lazy to go to the post office and I still have a phobia when it comes to going to public places (don't ask) and decided to use MyEG after seeing its services advertised on a billboard.

Using MyEG is easy enough, just set up your account and you can start paying your utility bill,insurance,road tax or license. You can either pay by credit card or set up a prepaid account. I had chosen to have my renewal slip delivered to me and after several days I got a call from the courier informing me that he was waiting outside my house. Unfortunately I wasn't in so we agreed to meet the next day and there were no further complications. The fees for using the license renewal service are:

RM30 per year
RM2 e-charge
RM5 delivery Klang Valley

I should remind you that your renewal slip should always be carried with your original license (the one with the picture); even if you've uploaded your license into your Mykad you should still carry it as not all of our hard-working underpaid police officers are equipped with card readers (or proper shoes). Why risk a trip to the station to do naked star jumps is what I say. Maybe next time I'll go over to the post office to renew my license, assuming I'm not too lazy or I've gotten over my phobia (don't count on it)

Sadly this little boy didn't have his license, so he'll be coming out of prison a man

Image credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/erase/3702382092/

MyEg website:

http://www.myeg.com.my/

My Dream Job

2010-05-27T07:06:00.000+08:00

One of my more recent pipedreams that I had floating about in my head is that I would make a great lighthouse keeper, well...at least I THINK I would make a great lighthouse keeper. There is something quite appealing about living on a small outcrop of rock in the middle of the ocean + I do love spiral staircases. I think it's the isolation that appeals to me the most.

Unfortunately in the modern world lighthouse keepers are no longer necessary. Have you heard of the song with the lyrics "video killed the radio star"? Well technology killed the lighthouse keeper; it was mostly a combination of electricity & automation that did it. And the addition of heliports meant that live in keepers were no longer needed. In Britain all the lighthouses have been automated by Trinity House while in the US the last manned lighthouse was automated in 1998. Jobs as lighthouse keepers are scarce, many are part-time & seasonal.

Here is a brief overview of a position available as a "volunteer" keeper that I found on a lighthouse enthusiast website (oh yes, you can find anything on the internet, it's not all porn):

Volunteer keeper needed at Forty Mile Point lighthouse, Michigan
Tasks include greeting visitors, act as tour guide, work in gift shop & ensure cleanliness of premises
Bring your own RV, no TENTS allowed!!
Oh BTW, you ain't getting paid

Of course I probably have a romantic/unrealistic view of being a lighthouse keeper. Apparently it wasn't all that great. First of all you had to stay with three other keepers; you'd better be nice to each other because you'll be spending a long time together at close proximity. Other drawbacks included no toilets or running water, at least back in the early days. And of course being away for so long meant that you'd miss out on certain things back home (like your wife having an affair for example).

So if I was to be a lighthouse keeper a few conditions would have to be met. The most important would be that I would be the only keeper at the lighthouse. I don't mind the isolation; if I was to be stuck on a rock with two other people I'd go for a swim & hope a shark was feeling a bit peckish. The second condition is that I would need a LCD TV with a HD DVD player & some DVD boxsets please (Who needs friends when you can watch "Friends"?). The third condition is that there would need to be decent internet connection at the lighthouse. With Skype, Twitter & Facebook you'll never be alone really. Of course after a few days at the lighthouse your tweets might get a little repetitive 'Turned on the light, turned off the light, turned on the light, turned off the light....' & so on. Of course on those cold lonely nights when I am missing a little...erm...female contact the internet would be REALLY important. If you know what I mean. And being alone would mean that there wouldn't be anyone to interrupt you or judge you. Except god....

I highly doubt that any potential lighthouse keeper employer would give me a call so the only other way to be a keeper is to buy my own lighthouse. On the same website I mentioned before I saw a beautiful lighthouse for sale called Pointe d'Aiguillon lighthouse which is in Saint-Marc-Sur Mer, about 8KM South West of Saint-Nazaire, France. It costs only 780,000 Euros and I think that's a bargain. So can anyone spare some change? Maybe look EXTRA hard around the couch?

The above paragraph would have been a great way to end this post but I wanted to leave you with one final nugget of knowledge. There is a reason why lighthouses needed to be manned by three people. It's not a really well known story except maybe by a few lighthouse keepers.

This is the story of the Smalls lighthouse which has a few claims to fame. It is the most remote lighthouse in Britain, the first successful message in a bottle was sent from there (allegedly) & it was the first lighthouse to have a flushing toilet. But the most grisly incident took place in 1801 which changed lighthouse keeping history forever (yawn). Thomas Howell & Thomas Griffith were both stationed at Smalls lighthouse when a freak accident lead to the death of Thomas Griffith. Now Howell could have just gotten rid of Griffiths body but there was a slight problem; they both were known to always quarrel with each other. So afraid of being accused of murder Howell tied Griffiths body to the railing of the lighthouse & sat tight until a boat arrived. Ever since then it was standard practise to have three people at a lighthouse stationed together to avoid more "incidents". I don't really know what happened to Howell but I think it's a little strange that people didn't at least suspect that Howell may have killed Griffith. Either way, if Howell continued to be a lighthouse keeper after this "accident" (I know its "innocent until proven guilty" but look at OJ Simpson) I bet the other two keepers were careful to watch what they say & slept with their eyes open.

So that ends another brilliant post, not only was it educational it was also entertaining. And it might have been a complete waste of time....

Image Credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/gaensler/4288220026/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tisseurdetoile/2141698014/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/gaensler/4093019164/

Links:
http://lawlor-pollock.com/llktrans-03.html
http://lighthouse-news.com/

Dusty & his blanket

2010-05-23T23:19:00.001+08:00

So Dusty my newest cat has developed this strange habit, at least strange to me. Whenever he climbs onto me he would suckle on my shirt sleeves & it was quite annoying because Dusty was very persistent. Dusty would also knead his paws while suckling; it became quite difficult to do work, watch TV or even go to sleep without Dusty disturbing me.

I wasn't really sure what was happening so I checked out some pet related websites to find out. Turns out that cats who continue to suckle were weaned to early from their mothers, which makes sense because Dusty was abandoned when I found him; suckling also helps to comfort the cats because they miss their mothers. Cats knead their paws because when they were kittens it helped to stimulate the flow of breast milk to the nipples; kneading is also the cats way of showing love.

Thankfully we found an alternative for Dusty to nurse on, now Dusty uses a old blanket that we had lying around which he has now claimed as his own. Whenever he misses his mother he goes to 'his' blanket & does his thing. It's cute watching Dusty nursing, he starts purring & kneading his paws on the blanket. Then he gets a a dreamy look in his eyes & eventually falls asleep. I'm glad we found an alternative, Dusty tried a couple of times to nurse on Orange; Orange being a male cat didn't exactly like that idea & Dusty got knocked down a few times. Though I have read on YahooAnswers that a kitten nursed on an older male cat until it died.

P.S. I would just like to clarify that the cause of death was old age & not the kitten suckling on him. That would be weird.

Critical Mass

2010-05-21T22:05:00.002+08:00

I was searching the internet for free computer games when I stumbled upon a turn-based sci-fi shooter called Critical Mass, the screenshots looked promising so I decided to give it a go. And despite its simple graphics the game play was amazingly addictive, unfortunately it was only a demo so I played the single mission over & over again. Eventually tiring of this I bought the game for the steep price of $20 which is quite expensive though it is worth it. Critical Mass is the only game I've played the most times & it is still fun to play now.

The full game consists of 30 missions that you play randomly, when you die you start all over again. It's that simple. As you accumulate your kills & complete more of the missions the game gets more difficult & the enemy AI more adept at killing you. The maps are generated randomly & so is the amount of opponents that you face so no two games are the same. The missions vary from 'attacking an enemy turret base' to my personal favourite 'defending earth', just because of the amounts of ships battling it out against each other.

In Critical Mass you will be able to command a squadron of up to 6 ships, you don't directly control these ships except for your own though you are able to issue basic commands. The arrow in front of your ship can be lengthened or shortened to control the speed or bent to change direction. There are several types of ships available from agile fighters to bombers that pack a punch but have horrible turn rates. You can go to the ship editor & design your own ship. There are several types of missiles to choose from as well. The Orik, a missile with a medium sized warhead but can pursue targets for a long time (annoyingly hard to shake off sometimes) & the Plectro with no homing capabilities but a large warhead are to name a few.

As I've mentioned before the graphics aren't that great (it's not exactly Freelancer) but that barely registers when the sirens are blaring as missiles are locked in on you. There are some shortcomings though; while the enemy AI is tough you will frequently be hit by friendly fire & even if you eject there is still a chance that you'll be hit by a stray missile. In the end Critical Mass is a fun & challenging game that you can enjoy playing repeatedly.

I should also mention that Critical Mass was one of the games created by Sean O'Connor & that while I paid the outrageous sum of $20 for Critical Mass, for $30 you can get 13 games for your computer + 3 for your pocket PC. Hopefully in the future I'll be reviewing some of them.

Link:
http://www.windowsgames.co.uk/

Some screenshots of Critical Mass:

Don't cross the line at Newark!

2010-05-21T11:19:00.001+08:00

Yes, don't cross the line at Newark, specifically at its international airport. We had flown in from Heathrow that morning & were one of the first flights to arrive so by the time we gotten to the immigration hall it was still empty.

Before you could reach the passport control officers sitting idly at their desks you had to walk through a maze of those retractable barriers. Apparently walking straight to the counter is too difficult, we need help because we just might stampede past all the custom agents. Anyway, I was tempted to just duck under the barriers for a short cut but was too afraid & I felt quite stupid zig-zagging around when there was no one around. There was a group of teenage girls who did exactly just that though & they made it under several barriers barriers before a stern looking security guard stopped them & told them to get to the back of the line. They laughed it off but did what she said.

The type of retractable barriers I'm talking about

Of course this was in the innocent days of the year 2000 when going through airport security was mercifully short & all we knew about Afghanistan was that Rambo fought the soviets there & won. In 2010 I think they shoot to kill or at least you get a very nasty tasering.

The firing squad awaits

Links to the photos:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/markhillary/2555786766/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/soldiersmediacenter/2175442761/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/roland/2548940558/

Lets stop giving them ideas

2010-05-19T21:56:00.001+08:00

What do Robert Kellaway (News of the world), Alberto Stegeman (Dutch journalist) & Anthony France (The Sun) have in common? They have each managed to breach some level of security & were kind enough to write about it so that we would have some peace of mind. Oh, they also seem to have a substantial supply of fake weapons lying around the house. Robert Kellaway smuggled a replica M16 onto a plane; Alberto Stegeman worked as a fake baggage handler & smuggled a fake bomb onto a plane; Anthony France is a repeat offender, he smuggled onto a plane at Birmingham International Airport a fake bomb & later got a job as a waiter at the House of Commons & again smuggled a fake bomb through security. While these types of stories help to sell a few more papers & scare the crap out of people surely those Alkader Terry Wrists read the occasional newspaper as well. Alls I'm saying is lets please stop giving them ideas on how to kill people.

After the failed shoe bomber late night comedians said 'Well at least he wasn't a underwear bomber'. Haha, we all laughed at that one & later we literally got a underwear bomber last Christmas. So now with airports switching to invasive full body scanners (we won't like it but we'll adapt) security consultants report that if Terry Wrists planted explosives within their bodies then it would make those scanners defunct. Dammit!! Keep SCHTUM!! They could be reading about it as well & have a little lightbulb pop up in their minds. Of course they also mentioned that these full body scanners can't detect liquid explosives (what's the point of the things again).

I remember watching CNN soon after the Christmas day underwear bomber; one of the journalists interviewing a security consultant asked why Terry Wrists went to all the trouble of trying to blow up a plane instead of just blowing themselves in the airport, while waiting in line to get past security. Why would you even suggest that? I could possibly be in one of those queues one day & having a Terry Wrist detonate himself/herself next to me would be a major inconvenience.

And how do journalists come up with these ideas? Do they sit around amongst themselves brainstorming on ways to get past security? Since Guantanamo Bay won't be closing any time soon (Obama, damn your promises) maybe we could send them there, not forever of course just until the war against terror is won (Haha). Can't last any longer can it? Maybe it'll be over by Christmas.

I was just thinking to myself that isn't posing as a journalist the best cover for a Terry Wrist? If they get caught smuggling weapons through security they could just say that they were undercover journalists working for The Sun. Oh crap...now I've done it as well.

This photo belongs to the following person:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/baggis/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

Dustys visit to the vet

2010-05-14T11:54:00.000+08:00

Here is a tip if you take in a stray cat, take it straight to a vet. Just to give it some antibiotics & to de-worm it. Unfortunately, that was something that we neglected to do. We brought Dusty back home & spent the first two weeks basically raising him in my room; teaching him to use the kitty litter tray & introducing him to Orange. Orange wasn't happy at first having this stranger in the house. He took one sniff & didn't want to be close to Dusty but Dusty being a kitten decided that he really liked Orange and tried to use him as a surrogate momma. Orange for his part kept hissing whenever Dusty got to close & would jump onto the bed & table. After a few days he did calm down.

Dusty for his part had no problem with living with us, he adapted to home life really quickly & was easy to toilet train. He spent most of his time sleeping, I'd be doing some work & he'd be sleeping under my chair; I even left the door open & he didn't even bother going downstairs. I have a pair of cargo pants with large pockets & I would carry him around in the pockets like a kangaroo would with her Joey. Boy does he love to eat, it was a bit of a chore having to feed him every few hours. After two weeks his stomach got really swollen & you could see that it was uncomfortable for Dusty; he couldn't sleep on his side, he had to stretch out. Then one day after having just eaten he threw up & amongst the food were three long white worms. That explained the voracious appetite & distended belly.

The following morning we took Dusty to the vet to him de-wormed. He was a little nervous & didn't enjoy the whole thermometer up the butt routine & really who would? Maybe a small section of the human population. The Doc told us that Dusty was about two months old; she weighed him & Dusty weighed about 800 grams but that was mostly from his stomach. The Doc did say that Dusty had very large legs for a kitten his size & that he would grow up yo be a strong cat. It's strange but I had one of those proud parent moments. It as a mostly uneventful trip though I will say it costs more to to treat a cat than a person (maybe I should be a vet). Dusty did have a nice nap in the car after his stressful day.

So a month later his stomach is now slightly smaller & less wormy. Dusty is of course a lot bigger & can't fit in my pouch any more.

Enjoying a nap after the vet

Goodbye Chubby.......

2010-05-13T12:55:00.002+08:00

So I've always been an animal lover, maybe not on the same level as those PETA people. I've only had a few pets in my life; mice were the first, then there were Terrapins, handful of hamsters, had a brief fling with fish but always have been more of a cat person. Never had to buy any (cats), all were either picked up at the Mosque or ones that stumbled upon the house & stayed. Not really good with names either, abandoning the whole thing of giving your pet a human name i.e. Charlie. Instead I took a more simple Beckham-like approach, naming them after their physical attributes or the way they looked when they were found. So far there has been two Trashes, two Blackies, one Ginger, two Oranges & a Chubby

The two cats that we've cared for the most was Orange the 2nd & Chubby. Both were strays, they were found abandoned at the Mosque. Orange was the older of the two, he is about two years old; quite skinny when we found him but has gotten pretty big since he has been with us. About a year after getting Orange we adopted a second cat, a kitten that was only a few months old, it had a very loud & deep meow & at the time had quite a big belly. So naturally I named it Chubby. He was our favourite because we had raised him since he was a kitten, our first.

Orange and Chubby playing

Of course Orange was a little bit hostile towards Chubby. At first not wanting to be to be to close & hissing whenever Chubby got near to him. But that didn't last very long. Soon they were the best of friends, always chasing each other around the house & later outside in the garden. My favourite memory is of the both of them chasing each other across the lawn & into the bushes.

We usually let the cats out at 6AM & by 10AM they would both come back waiting for their food. Except one morning only Orange came back without Chubby, I was worried but thought nothing of it. At 1PM we left for the Mosque & as we passed by one of the neighbours house I noticed their maid with a shovel in her hand digging a hole & next to it was Chubbys body. I pulled over to the side & we both got out, my father couldn't believe it was Chubby but I already knew he was dead. There was a bruise one side of Chubbys head, apart from that his body was still intact. He still had his collar on. It's strange, if we had passed by the same spot at a different time then we wouldn't have known & Chubby would have just disappeared, maybe then I wouldn't have taken his death so hard. Sigh, I missed the way Chubbys voice sounded, how he would fall asleep in my lap & how he always slept on the roof in the afternoon. We decided we wouldn't get another cat, lest our crazy neighbour kill that one as well (more on that later).

Chubby sleeping on the roof

So we spent the next few months with just Orange & it was a lot more quiet around the house. Even Orange became more affectionate with the rest of us. Whenever we did find a new cat/kitten that we wanted to bring home we were worried about the neighbour & decided against it.

One day I was sitting in the car while waiting for my father & I heard a kitten mewing. I got out of the car & followed the sound, it was near some bags of cement & hidden amongst the bags was a tiny kitten all alone. I tried to reach out & pick him up but he went deeper into the gap between the bags & started hissing & tried to scratch my hand in self-defence mode. I managed to move the cement bags around & there he was all covered in cement dust. I picked him up & held him in the crook of my arm. I knew that I needed to bring him home, showed my father & he agreed. So now we have a new cat named Dusty & it has been great ever since. The pain of losing Chubby started to dissapear. Even Orange is happy now, they both play together. Just have to be careful of the crazy neighbour (can't confirm that, maybe he is maybe he isn't. Don't want to be libellous)

Dusty when we first found him

Sorry for another long post. There was no other way to tell this story in short form.

When did paintball stop being fun?

2010-05-11T23:47:00.004+08:00

A few months ago one of my UK-based friends came back to KL during his summer holidays. I don't want to embarrass him so I'll only refer to him as Scratch; he isn't the brightest person I know but he is one of my closest friends.

Scratch comes back to KL & after spending sometime killing off his ever dwindling brain cell s (he binge drinks you see), Scratch called me for a day out to play paintball with some of his friends. I know the other people he has invited; we're not exactly best mates. At first, following my gut instinct I declined his invitation. What's the point of spending time with a group of people who would just end up ignoring you? But immediately after hanging up I started having doubts. After all, I wasn't doing anything; why not spend the day running around getting shot at? So called Scratch back & told him I'd gladly join him. His response was quite underwhelming.

Now I've been paint balling once before this & I enjoyed it very much. There was about 20 of us from the 6th form playing in what was basically a multi-level car park. So I thought I knew what paintball was about. Boy was I wrong.

To begin with it didn't start well. Scratch said that we need to meet at 8AM because the briefing was at 9:30AM. We got there at 9AM & found out that the briefing actually starts at 10:30AM. Now I need to introduce a new character into this story; we'll call him Action Man. Action Man was a paintball fanatic & Tanamera Paintball Park was HIS place. Apparently he spent most of his Saturdays there. While the rest of wore our regular civvies (T-shirt + Sweatpants) Action Man was wearing a camouflaged jacket over a camouflaged shirt with camouflaged pants. He had a large vest with various pockets & pouches to hold extra ammo & God only knows what else. But the most impressive of all was his rifle (aka marker). It was massive & resembled a real world M16. Turns out Action Man & the rest of his paintball fascist buddies were what was known at Tanamera as the 'Regulars'. And there was at least 15 of his kind, kitted out in much the same way.

We on the other hand were 'Newbies' & boy did we look pathetic. A motley crew of people who as far as I was concerned unprepared for the massacre that was about to come. Since we were foolish enough not to bring our own paintball markers we had to use the house markers. Unwieldy, single-shot, rusted, scratched & at times impractical against a Regulars marker (it basically had half the range). We also got dirty, sweaty and unwashed face masks that fogged up most of the time & when you wear glasses this is a BIG problem. I was frantically going through the storage bins to find some that fit over my head with the glasses I was wearing. Because we were terrified of the potential damage of getting hit with a Regulars marker we each invested RM10 on a vest which was basically a thin layer of fabric which I just about managed to fasten over my large flabby frame.

Eventually everyone arrived & it was bout 20 Newbies vs 15 Regulars, this was not going to end well. We may have had the numerical advantage but they were better equipped & knew the terrain better. Right after the safety briefing (which was part Drill Sergeant part stand up comedy) we set off for battle. It was a complete massacre; I never managed to get off any shots in the first two rounds. Though I did get to kill many flora and fauna, hitting a Regular proved to be difficult. They would stand out of range & I would see my rounds bouncing harmlessly past them.

I did however discover a hidden talent. The paintball rounds tended to bounce of my flab + the vest were cushioning the impact. Well..most of the time. The first time I got shot I raised my hand & started to walk to the safety zone; for my trouble I got shot in the back by one of the Regulars. There was a funny moment when I found myself hiding behind a tree with Jason (a friend of Scratch, hence no nickname) to avoid the long range of a Regulars marker. At one point he looked at me & said "After you Beardyman (my nickname)". And because he was so polite I stepped out from cover & promptly got shot.

The closest I came to a 'Kill' was when I was hiding in the tall grass by myself. Most of the other Newbies were spread out & it was basically a 'lone wolf' situation. Again we were being overrun by the Regulars. I heard low voices behind me, saw the much hated camouflaged figure, a Regular! I raised my marker, took careful aim & pulled the trigger. Nothing!! I had left the safety on! Quel Wanker! Turned off my safety, fired a few rounds at him only to have him dive to the ground. Before I could hit the deck I was shot at in full-auto. Thank God for the vest, best RM10 I spent in a long time. I think I got the guy but I'll never know. In the end I escaped with a few bruises & a particularly nasty one behind my shoulder.

Paintball is fun but I didn't really enjoy myself that day. Basically, I had spent RM85 to be used for target practice by the Regulars. I didn't even get to use half of the 500 rounds that I had. Maybe I could get all dolled up like Action Man next time. On second thought forget it. Why spend RM3000+ to look like a twat? You could do that for a lot less these days.

It's going to be okay....

2010-05-09T00:00:00.002+08:00

So this is my official first post, I don't think my previous post counts because it was more of an introduction. So I've been looking at some of the stuff I've written down and selected a charming little story that was narrated to me by this guy I know. He knows this guy who gave up his job s a flight attendant at his wife's insistence because she didn't like the fact that he was away all the time. so he quit and trained as a nurse eventually getting a job in a hospital. During his first week he had to assist in the OR, the patient was a little worried about the operation but he reassured the patient, telling the patient that everything was going to be fine. When the surgeon started to operate he threw up; its a good thing that the patient didn't see that. Hmmmm, I can't help feeling that this was a crap story. Maybe it was funnier spoken as opposed to written out.

Here is a little segue, whenever people say things like "It's going to be okay" I can't help thinking to myself "How do you know that? Maybe it's not going to be okay!". Or when someone says "Trust me", trust should be automatic of you really believe in that person. Whenever someone has to tell you "Trust me" it's probably not a good idea. Here are a couple of examples, "Lets do it in front of the camera, I promise it won't end up on the internet. Trust me"; "I need a loan, I promise to pay you back on time, trust me"; "What? Of course I didn't sleep with your girlfriend, stop being paranoid. We were just practising yoga. Trust me"; "There are WMDs in Iraq Mr. President. Trust me". I must point out that the actual phrase was "It's a slam dunk" which brings me to another point. Be wary of people who say "Trust me"; "It's a slam dunk" and "I love you". I take it back, this post is not rubbish. I think this has been a great first post. Mission Accomplished.

Inaugural Post

2010-05-06T00:02:00.003+08:00

Greetings and salutations dear reader,

You've managed to stumble along my inaugural post in my blog which is known as "Ramblings of a Pipedreamer". Now I don't live in a cave so I'm not new to the concept of blogging; in fact on a forgotten website somewhere I made a few postings before losing interest. Then why do you ask, do you blog now? To answer that question I have to fill you in with a little background information about myself. My name is not terribly important because I'm starting this blog in secret and if I mention my name then it might be possible that someone I know might stumble onto this blog and find out & I don't want that at least not yet. Back to my background, I am currently a 22-year old semi-graduate (for various complicated reasons I didn't complete my final year in Uni), from Kuala Lumpur who is currently unemployed except for some odd jobs here and there. My fathers friend suggested I write articles for the Star (local people). I don't really know what to write at least not up to a professional level like a proper columnist. So one day I came across a blog by a local woman with a picture of her showing her cheque containing the significant sum of RM3,500 that she received from blogging and I thought to myself "Aha!! Here is a great way to make money easily" If she can do it why can't I? My objectives for blogging then was to simply make money so I wouldn't have to depend on my parents all the time. Boy, how that changed.

I was looking up ways to make money off blogging & the more I read the more I came to despair. It's not as easy as it seems, especially if you want to start up your own website which involves spending money before making money. And the #1 advice from all the blogging sites is to choose a niche, know what you're talking about, avoid "Me" blogs. And I'll be honest I don't really have a clue of what I'm doing & I quite like "Me" blogs, "Me" is good. So for now I'm not going to blog to make money, I'll just do a regular blog to keep my mind from stagnating. So for now I blog to 1)Improve my English, 2) share my thoughts with the wider world & 3) for fun.

So for the past few months I've been putting my "Ramblings" from pen to paper to fill in my future blog. At first I had doubts over choosing Blogger over Wordpress but what pushed it in Blogger's favour is that you can post pictures and videos for free. Most people complain that GOOGLE OWNS YOUR CONTENT. But since Google's motto is "Don't be evil" I'm not too worried.

So what can you expect from "Ramblings of a Pipedreamer"? Will it be a blog dedicated to a niche or a single topic thereby giving you a reason to regularly check out the blog like the experts say? Hell NO!! This job will consist mostly of my "Ramblings" which are random thoughts that pop into my head which I do know very well. I will also cover a broad range of topics like cats, current issues , reviews of books and games (which are 100% sincere, not paid for my evil capitalist scum), things that are free and places to visit around this city in which I live. And if the Star or any other newspaper/magazine contact me offering a lucrative position within their organization even better. OR that could just be another pipedream. So goodbye for now and please don't forget to leave comments.